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Calendar Girls
Author: Dave_166
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(Added on Jul 3, 2005)
(This month 103099 readers) (Total 194320 readers) |
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12 models from a nude calendar find themselves kidnapped and being trained as sex slaves and pain sluts by a brutal master. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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18% |
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9% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 1, 2008 |
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the idea of the story is great butthe way it was written it is very hard to read, some details the conversations, i found it erotic but not as erotic as the storyline led me to believe it would be
I re Reasd it and upted my review score for you (8/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jul 3, 2005)
- Mkemse
Could you give some details please. My 1st attempt at a story so would welcome feedback. Another person mentioned it was a bit slow and I suspect that is probably the case but if anything in particular.
- Replied by:
mkemse
(Edit) (Feb 3, 2006)
- all i mean is that the way you wrote it, the english i guess made the story a bit difficult to rea, altho i loved the premise of the story, not sure if english is your primary langue and i might add i do look forward to hopefully more parts to the story
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 6, 2006 |
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I've been meaning to review this story for awhile, having followed it from the first chapter. I like this story rather well. Unfortunately, there is some intangible missing from the story that would make this far more exciting. I can't put my finger on it just yet. At any rate, this is a good read. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Feb 7, 2006)
- HD
If you find what you think is missing I would be interested to know. Still early days yet so, if the willpower lasts [both mine and the readers ], there's a lot more to come.
Dave
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2005 |
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Very realistic behavior on the part of the women. A little slow moving in some of the details. Use of the word Willn't drives me a little nuts, but I understand the UK frowns a bit on Won't. Overall quite enjoyable. Hope there's more to come! (8/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jan 9, 2006)
- Chksng19
Thanks for the feedback. Didn’t know how accurate their behaviour would be, possibly a little too passive. One of my problems is that I do tend to be a little long winded but trying to speed things up a bit. Must admit I do tend to get tied up in the details and practicalities. Hopefully with more of the background and general procedure established in the next couple of chapters, plus gaining some more experience, I will sort that out.
Don’t worry. Time permitting there is a LOT more to come. While enjoying Xmas I thought of ideas for at least 2-3 more chapters but their a long way down the chain. Providing both me and the readers have the stamina this could be a real marathon. [Hopefully that doesn’t put too many people off  ]
Thanks for the feedback. AS mentioned elsewhere my 1st go so any feedback is very welcome.
Dave
Chksng19
Actually I checked up. My British spell-checker actually objects to willn't and accepts won't so just my bad spelling.
Dave
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| Reviewer:
salpecam
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 29, 2005 |
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I liked the story generally, and I would have given it a higher mark. Unfirtunately, I bought the "Calendar Girls" calendar which I suspect this story alludes to - as documented in the movie of the same name. Given that, my disappointment revolves around the fact that the physical attributes and origin of the "real" girls, or their movie representative actresses, was not referenced or explored in this story.
Why is this relevant? The story misses the chance for the reader to identify with the "bitches" while they are still free, which would intensify the sensation of their dehumanisation as they are trained to be slaves. Starting, as the author does, with anonymous women, the detachment of their previous true selves (as they are trained) cannot be illustrated.
If the author wishes to remain free of association with the original calendar or movie, for legal reasons or similar, then there is no reason why the "bitches" could not be given believable, but fictional, identities at the start of the story, ready for those identities to be taken from them as the tale progresses.
Also, the extent of the violence is a bit much for me, but I have not marked the story down for this as it is just a matter of my preference. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Sep 10, 2005)
- salpecam
To clarify the girls are based on a model calender, which is quite well known in the UK. [Not saying more in case there are any legal implications ]. However if you had the calendar and knew the girls you might recognise some of them. There will be clues in later chapters. [Might well be a case that some UK readers, if any will recognise at least some of the girls but willn't not mean much to people further afield].
I wasn't aware of the film you mentioned but afried you got the wrong conclusions as to its origins.
Dave
PS Apologies for the slow reply but I have been away for a while.
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| Reviewer:
pejanon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 18, 2005 |
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Primarily sadistic, depersonalization, starts at the word one, no pussyfooting story.
Too much step-by-step detailed descriptions - I'd prefer some up-tempo down-tempo passages. Still, good reading especially if one is into some really harsh stuff.
Will read more.
(8/10)
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| Reviewer:
chooky_104
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 15, 2005 |
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I enjoyed the story line but felt that it was too violent for me. Whilst accepting that it was fiction and the story line required the descriptions, but I felt that a lot of it was too graphic and over the top. Only a person without a vagina could write about causing so much pain and disfiguring without actually imagining what it would feel like.
Still enjoyed the idea of the story though and am waiting for the final chapters. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jul 15, 2005)
- Chooky
To be brunt you probably willn’t like the rest of the story. I’ve got a lot more sketched out to greater or lesser degree and its doesn’t get any less violent. Basically my alter-ego is probably best described as an evil sadist. He is breaking the girls to their new role as slaves and as such aims to destroy any sense of identity but also takes pleasure in his work. The level of brutality that Jane is subjected to is rare, at least until the new girls get the serum when July will pay big time, but they are going to undergo continuing and increasing pain, humiliation and abuse. Not generally as straight-forwardly violence once their initial resistance is broken but its not going to be good for them. With the exception of ‘snuff’ there is very little that willn’t occur during this story in a male dom/female sub line. Basically I’m letting the darker side of my imagination have a free ride and as I say releasing a lot of frustrations and its not very pleasant.
I’m glad to say that I could never do anything like this in real life and as such am guessing very much as to how much would be practical. The last couple of chapters got more savage as I worked on them and the level of force used was more than I initially planned. However I think your concern is with the lack of any compassion for the victims and possibly whether I have that flaw in real life. If its any help I can tell you that’s not the case and that I am suspending my moral facilities for the purpose of the story rather than lacking them altogether.
I am busy with a family holiday for the next week so if you or anyone else puts in a comment I willn’t be replying for a week or so but will get back to you when I’m back in normal operation.
Dave
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| Reviewer:
tstruck
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 6, 2005 |
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Maybe a new author, but certainly a wickedly intense story. In my opinion, interesting and shows a unique talent. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jul 7, 2005)
- tstruk
Thanks for the encouragement. Will try and keep up the standard and hope to have a couple more chapters out soon.
Dave
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 6, 2005 |
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This was a good story. There was some parts that I had to reread, so to the way the story was writen. For a first time writer you did a great job. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jul 7, 2005)
- La Toya
Any points in particular? Or why you found those sections difficuult to follow? Was it just a couple of inconsistencies sneaking in or something else? As I said its my 1st go so any feedback is useful. Also realising how big a project I've taken on trying to keep track of all the details. [Must get around to working on the next few chapters but have been busy with some other things]. Hopefully tomorrow evening.
Dave
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| Reviewer:
cindi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 5, 2005 |
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this is the best i've read so far and i've reak a lot fo these (10/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jul 7, 2005)
- Cindi
Glad you enjoyed it. Hope future chapters work as well.
Dave
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| Reviewer:
woolfighter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 4, 2005 |
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Wow, hot from the very beginning. I love it. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
jaeangel
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 3, 2005 |
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Very good story. The tortures are cruelly imaginative, and the punishment point system ingenious, as is the system for doling it out. The story flows well, and characterization is excellent. The only problem I had was with some of the grammar/spelling, but that's easily correctable with the acquisition of a good beta-reader/editor. I liked this immensely, and I look forward eagerly to more! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
esp_166
(Edit) (Jul 3, 2005)
- jaeangel
Thanks for the reply. My 1st attempt at a story so glad of the feedback. I am using a spell-checker but might have had the odd world slip through. [Alternatively which part of the world are you from as I am using UK spelling so that might be part of the difference]. Working on the next chapter and got a lot of others planned so hope they continue to entertain.
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