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Debby\'s Plight
Author: SirJeff
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(Added on Mar 24, 2006)
(This month 28888 readers) (Total 59082 readers) |
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Debby gets captured, chained, taken and converted into a ponygirl by an unknow and unseen male. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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22% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 27, 2008 |
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my biggest issue with the story is the spacing way to much space between line and paragraghs as if you tried to take a short story and make it as long as possible
Let the moderator know you submitted it with 1 kind of spacing and it ended up differently, i did not imagine you did it on purpose just made it seem like you want to strech the story, thats all (7/10)
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- Replied by:
SirJeff
(Edit) (Mar 24, 2006)
- Fascinating. Why on earth would I pad spacing? I have no clue why it has so many spaces in the format. Certainly not the way I submitted it, with one space between paragraphs in the text file!
Now I am unsure how to format and submit part two.
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| Reviewer:
SeaDogret
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 18, 2008 |
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Interesting story, please complete part II, have my interest now and leave hanging, not fair! (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
ares626
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 16, 2006 |
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it didn't keep my attention (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Slut4U
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2006 |
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I just really love this story. Please keep up the good work. I wish someone would do this to me :) (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 27, 2006 |
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I would tend to agree with Carrieanne's review. The writing felt stilted. It also lunged from past tense to present tense in an ungainly manner. From time to time there was a fluid and engaging sentence but it was always followed by something that seemed to come from an instruction manual. Truly, a loosening up, as Carrieanne put it, would make this story far more enjoyable. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 25, 2006 |
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The problem with this story is your stilted voice. You are not fluid at all with your character. Writing in the first person can be difficult. The idea behind the story might be interesting if you could just loosen up! (5/10)
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- Replied by:
SirJeff
(Edit) (Mar 25, 2006)
- Thanks teach, point taken. On the other hand, Debby could just maybe not be feeling loose, but unfluid and stilted, being in chains and unseeing, in a tough situation...
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| Reviewer:
belladonna212121
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 25, 2006 |
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very nice story. Can't wait to read more. It gives sluts like me a hope that strong willed Doms and or Dommes are out there. (8/10)
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