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Jane's Punishment
Author: BDSM_London
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(Added on Jun 1, 2008)
(This month 13882 readers) (Total 31597 readers) |
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When I found out my girlfriend Jane is cheating on me I meet a women who promises to help me get revenge on her |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 16, 2010 |
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Nice little story with lots of promise for future chapters, BUT needs a massive amount of editing. I assume that you used a computer spellcheck, these are ok but they are useless if the word is spelt correctly but is the wrong word (for example there was one place where you had the word be when it should have been me.
I liked the premise of the story and hope to see further chapters. Please keep writing but get yourself an editor. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
slavekaren
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 8, 2008 |
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I found it to be very light in punishment. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dominica Potestas
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2008 |
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Good idea. Grammer needs work - often words are missed out etc. Did you proofread this. There was one line that went "replaced by humiliation, xxx and xxx." You can't fill in emotions with Xs; it's annoying enough with placenames. You seem to go through the motions a bit methodically - savour the emotions, don't just X them out. The first night with the new gf was an interesting subplot that was ignored.
Good start, but proofread or find an editor. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Koli22
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 2, 2008 |
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ok, hope it will continue (6/10)
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