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The New Girl at School
Author: Asiatraveler185
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(Added on Mar 25, 2009)
(This month 14417 readers) (Total 28706 readers) |
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Gina is new at school and since she is shy it is not easy for her to make friends. Oddly, the most popular girl at school approaches her one day and asks if she wants to come to her house for a sleepover. Surprised but pleased by the idea, she willingly accepts. However, once there the innocent young girl will be subjected to unexpected experiences, both with the girl's boyfriend and another girl, and soon find out it was not friendship but humiliation that created the invitation. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 27, 2009 |
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It is a great concept, well thought out. I only rate it 5 because the writing does not really flow yet the imagery of the girl sucking while she is taken is stunning.
I really would like to read more, does Gina get humilliated even more or does shr vome out on top, steal the boyfriend? Plese do some more chapters so we can find out! (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 26, 2009 |
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Parts of this were very good. You spend about half the story telling the story (action, dialogue), and that part was about a '7', but you keep switching away from storytelling to summarizing, and that doesn't work as well. Your dialogue sections are quite good, but compare the middle third where things are happening to the first third where it's more like you're giving a review of the story. I think with some practice you could become good at this; you're already partway there. (5/10)
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