|
|
|
|
|
Goofy's torment
Author: Oak
|
| |
(Added on Jan 2, 2010)
(This month 21563 readers) (Total 34167 readers) |
| |
A group of students decides to play truant and spend the whole day in a mall. When their hate object number one shows up. Soon they've abducted her, to a isolated cabin. Where a extremely painful and humiliating weekend awaits her. With a very surprisingly outcome... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
100% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (6/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (6/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 5, 2010 |
| |
Oak's second try suffers from the same little illnesses than his first one. Poor grammar and a tendency to paint contradicting scenes. Like, teenage girls having fun in a mall, just being teenage girls, and still manage to stay unnoticed. Impossible.
There's also too many things that gotten stuck inside the author's mind, giving the story this awkward quality, like someone nicked a line every other sentence...
A good try, but lots of room for improvement.
JJ (6/10)
|
|
|
About 