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Complete Submission: How Annabelle became a sex slave
Author: slave annabelle
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(Added on Apr 22, 2010)
(This month 21754 readers) (Total 45964 readers) |
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Annabelle is a graduate student looking for something else in her life. After breaking up with her boyfriend she decides that she wants to find someone who is willing to dominate her and help her to let go of her 'controlling' nature every once in a while. This is a story of how Annabelle meets and begins to serve her Master, and how she eventually becomes a complete nympho sex slave. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Emerging
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 28, 2011 |
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He knows (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2010 |
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COMMENTS ON PART 1:
Lacks characterization, which could be corrected in future chapters. The main problem is that the story so far has been done to death, there is nothing original or even hot about this story.
COMMENTS ON PART 2:
i have moved the rating from a 6 to a 7 as there is more interest in the story, especially introducing outsiders (the young hotel guy). Also the smaller paragraphs makes the story easier to read.
i can now say i look forward to more about annabelle and her Master. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 25, 2010 |
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While the idea might not be novel, at least the effort is there. Also, what we as readers sometimes forget, or forego, is the point of view of the author while writing.
We, the readers, are sometimes getting a tad blasé, because all we do is read and then, consciously or not, compare this adventure with similar ones by other writers. But, that's a tad unfair, because *this* writer has nothing to do with those others.
That we find a certain story to be tedious or not inventive enough, a lot of the time has more to do with a certain saturation due to all the stories we digested so far.
This being said, I must admit I wasn't too charmed either, despite all of the above. But my feelings have more to do with Annabelle's style than with the content of the tale.
I feel that the lack of conversations makes the explanations too long, also because Annabelle tries to cram too much information in her sentences.
Conversations could shed more light in shorter lines than paragraphs which spell out, step by step, what's going on, or is going to happen. Also, the use of a small 'i' and capped 'he/master/whatever', serves no purpose in writing, other than adding a whole lot of grammatical mistakes.
I also had the feeling like I was reading notes from a diary, swiftly chopped down to paper in-between 'domestic duties', so to speak. The general idea is okay, but needs some weeding/editing before it is poured into chapters that read otherwise than too detailed a sommation of stringed together happenings.
And last but not least --should Annabelle find the knack of the weeding-- this author shows promise.
JJ (6/10)
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