His little one

Drifting through my dreams I see my bed occupied by two and even in my sleep I feel the jealousy rise, that knot in the pit of my stomach, seeing M with another woman who invites me into my own bed. Every detail of the moment is clear and consuming.
I have had dreams that he was with another woman before but I was never present. And I was always really pissed when I woke up. I guess I know it will be a reality at some point. In a really odd way, it’s starting to feel like something I want to do. I have always been jealous. I really try to fight it, but it’s such a consuming and painful emotion and I never really figured out how to control it. I guess if I’m going to be honest with myself, I might as well also admit that anyone besides M having access to my body when I am in that…place, is kind of scary when it comes to thinking of the reality.
We were talking about fantasies a while back and I asked why He had not chosen to play with another. He told me He didn’t think I was ready and He didn’t want to damage me or our relationship. And He’s right. I in a way the conversation made me want to work toward being able to handle it…I have no idea how though.