His little one

After an incredibly intense night, I began my two days at home without M. Naturally, given my tendency to worry, doubt, and overanalyze just about everything, I started analyzing our night together. I logged in, started a thread, and browsed the forums. I ran across a thread started by a sub who wanted to know if she should tell her exclusive Master that she had sex with someone else. At first, I was awed that someone could even consider Not telling their Master. Then I realized, that many of her statements were similar to thoughts of my own before my Husband became my Master. After reading that, and reactions I had gotten on another thread, I had a rather rare moment of clarity (well, maybe they aren’t that rare, most of them are directly prompted by M though). My first thought was, can you truly submit if you lie (I am not passing judgment on another person’s story, it just made me ask myself questions), followed by the realization that I no longer feel even capable of lying to M. Much of what I believe about right and wrong was taught to me by M.
All my fears that He will love me less for the things He has made me do suddenly seem completely unfounded. I love Him more because of the things He does to me and has made me do. He will not value me less for obeying His command. He would not ask anything of me that could make Him love me less. He has made me do things I considered truly humiliating, I have told Him things I would never admit to another human being, He has seen to my core like no one else ever will. There are moments like this where everything seems so clear and obvious…they seem so incompatible with those times of constant questioning and confusion. I realize that, for me, a huge part of submission is absolute truth. If I even think I have entered a slightly grey area, I feel the need to be forthcoming and bring it to His attention.
I’m feeling an intense deepening shift in our relationship (based around D/s, but it’s impacting everything else) that I can’t describe. The only examples I can think of are the difference in feeling between saying something and doing it or describing an experience versus being in the midst of it. Not that it was all talk before, but everything is beginning to feel…different somehow.

I feel that in a vanilla relationship, you give your heart. As a submissive (I do not presume to speak for anyone else), you give heart, mind, body, and soul, whether you set out meaning to or not. And that is what it means for me to be owned.

absolute truth
complete trust
total faith
unconditional love
devotion
acceptance
surrender
submission.