newbie, frustrated...already

Ok, just a bit of background....I am newly exploring my submissive side, and have quite recently met and have been dating someone who is newly exploring his Dominant side...sounds great, and some days it is. We started getting to know each other online very casually, with only very brief mention of our interests, we seemed to hit it off well there and eventually the discussion turned more to what our interests are and found that we are very much on the same page although neither of us has any real practical experiance...so we decided to meet and see how things went, needless to say they went very well and we have seen each other as often as our schedules will allow for since, sadly this isn't very often.

Although this sounds like the ideal situation (at least for me it sounds that way) I find myself getting frustrated...we agreed to take things slow, and also agreed that this is not something either of us wants as the entire of a relationship, but...I want more and I want it now!!!

Now that I'm reading my words I think what I really need is just someone to give me some advice on patiance, and possible some suggestions on how or even if I can get things moving a bit faster but still let him be in control.

As far as his e-mails go, he is definitely giving me what I need...things to do for him, things to think about etc, but when we are together he seems to back off a bit, any suggestions on how to feed his confidance when we are together would be greatly appreciated as well.

I have read a lot in the forums and found some very interesting things, but have not come across much at all where both parties in a new relationship are newly exploring, hoping someone out there has been there and can help me out...and soon ...I'm very impatiant.

Everyone is different, but it is certainly better to go slow than rush into things and risk being hurt. Yes, it is hard to want to wait for things, but he may feel unsure as to what is the right thing to do when you are together.

Is he a part of the forum? If not, would he be interested in joining? It could be a good way for him to find out some new ideas.

As to ways to be patient, that is not an easy thing to answer. Maybe find him a sexy story or write one for him, and see what affect that has. Lay out some toys you want him to use, or ask him what toys he wants you to have ready.

Whatever you do, I hope you have lots of fun.
AG

Ah that wonderful little word...impatient :D

You are not alone when it comes to that. Each one of us in some form or another is impatent...hell I know that I am guilty of that...just ask S1 lmao.

You also have to remember that BDSM isnt just about whips and chains and canes. it is about the deepness you have....the trust you have and the commitment you have for one another. The physical side only makes up about 20% of it.

Try some of the things that AG has suggested. Also try setting yourself little tasks...write down your fantasies. Write down what you have learnt so far on your journey.
Also how about a list as what you would like and maybe your partner can do the same and compare notes.

Also to ease that frustration of yours, why not try and bind yourself....spank your thighs with a wooden spoon or a hair brush, place clothes pegs on your breasts or even walk around the house with a bullet strapped to your clit.

And remember all the time you are doing this...you are doing it for your partner. Once you have done stuff like this....write it all down in a diary....of how you feel...what you experianced etc etc.


Good luck on your journey

cg

Aussiegirl1...thank you, I do think you are right that he is unsure, he seems so confidant in his e-mails but lets me get away with anything in person.
I know he has many ideas in his head, we have talked about a lot of them, I just wonder if he is unsure about just how to bring them to life.

crazy grrluk...well we have agreed to start slow, so no whips or chains...yet.
I hadn't thought of setting my own tasks, I have been waiting for him to do that, but now that you mention it, there are a few things I think I might be trying on my own very soon :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by new_explorer

crazy grrluk...well we have agreed to start slow, so no whips or chains...yet.
I hadn't thought of setting my own tasks, I have been waiting for him to do that, but now that you mention it, there are a few things I think I might be trying on my own very soon :)

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it will also help to ease a lot of things...smiles...good luck

Just be patient, and listen to the more experienced subs who offer their advice. My opinion is that a bit of frustration and impatience is better than the alternative, which can be really drastic.

"Pateince is the greast virtue".. this is a phrase i was taught from the time i was just a little girl.. Although to this day i still find it hard...

Except in one aspect of my life.. being a submissive.. That is one thing all subs must have is patience... for they must do as Master says and at the speed he wants.. Sometimes that can be much longer then what you as a sub may want..

One thing that comes to mind very quickly where this applies as a sub.. is orgasim denial... So use this frustration and impatiences as a training tool in itself..

Also remember the phrase " good things come to those who wait" remember this is a relationship and as satistics shows if you rush into it.. it may turn out to something not so nice...

A Dom/sub relationship is just like anyother relationship, it needs time to grow and flourish.. Just as we put a seed in the ground we must wait for the flower to rise.. if we try to rush it it dies.. or is not the perfect the flower we require and want... it grows stumpy and the bloom is small.. thus making us very disappionted, and very sad to the point we throw it out.

You must let the trust, passion and friendship grow first, or you will have nothing to keep it going, It will feel empty and inadequate, iam sure this is not what you want.

It may be he is concerned how fast to go, so he does not scare you or lose you. To me that is a caring Dom and you are very fortunate to have him.

I would also say the other suggestions are very good ones.. but as far as between you both i would say give it time to grow, take baby steps, so neither of you over step boundaries that are unknown, thus causing hard feelings for you both.

Just my opinion.. I hope it helps

hugs
snow

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. As I had mentioned in an earlier post we have talked a lot about where we want this to go but as yet hadn't talked about how to get there.

Well, since that post we have talked more about how to get there, I had tried to drop some hints as to how I felt without telling him right out, in the hopes that he would catch on to what I was telling him...and he did :)

We made our first trip to the local hardware store yesterday and made good use of our purchases, although still moving slow, I do feel now that it is indeed moving.

Although I'm sure there will still be times of impatiance and frustration, I feel confidant now in that he is listening to what I am not saying as much as he listens to what I am saying.

And I had the best sleep last night that I have had in a while now

lol new explorer.
hard work tends to give great sleep *s*
good to hear that things are moving in the right direction for you.

still though. guys arent normally good at taking hints ;) we are all about directness or at least me and all of my friends are.