Relationships outside of marriage

[Flaming_Redhead]

silly me looked at it as honestly answering a serious question with the thoughtful and open view of the reality of my own life, my own experience, and difficult choices made to get through each day...that is obviously something that is not wise to do...i don't apologize nor seek approval, but also don't expect the willingness to share part of my experience as open season to be judged

I don't think you owe anyone here an apology nor do you need anyone here to approve of what you do. However, expecting not to be judged is a bit naive. Hell, I've been called sick, twisted and dangerous by fellow BDSMers because of some of my kinks, which was kind of surprising since I don't consider myself as hard core as some people.

[caligirl{Rob}]

I don't think you owe anyone here an apology nor do you need anyone here to approve of what you do. However, expecting not to be judged is a bit naive. Hell, I've been called sick, twisted and dangerous by fellow BDSMers because of some of my kinks, which was kind of surprising since I don't consider myself as hard core as some people.

good to know ....judgement and snarky comments for humors sake is a good reason to avoid trying to offer any insight

[Playfulsub]

I have a positive update to add to this thread. Namely, my husband and I had a really enlightening conversation this weekend. In short, we talked a lot about the problems in our marriage in the past, and our communication issues. And you know what? I really, really think he understands this time. And he apologized for not understanding in the past.

Anyway, we both made a commitment to really make an honest effort to make our marriage work. We're also going to explore the potential of a D/s relationship as we regain our trust in each other. So, I might be needing some feedback from those of you who are in D/s relationships with your long-time spouses.

Feeling optimistic,

playful

[Ozme52]

That would be outstanding. I hope it plays out for you... and if not... at least you'll know you gave it another shot before looking elsewhere.

[caligirl{Rob}]

that is wonderful news! It is always a good thing when people are able to communicate...wishing you all the best!
hugs!
cali

I have a positive update to add to this thread. Namely, my husband and I had a really enlightening conversation this weekend. In short, we talked a lot about the problems in our marriage in the past, and our communication issues. And you know what? I really, really think he understands this time. And he apologized for not understanding in the past.

Anyway, we both made a commitment to really make an honest effort to make our marriage work. We're also going to explore the potential of a D/s relationship as we regain our trust in each other. So, I might be needing some feedback from those of you who are in D/s relationships with your long-time spouses.

Feeling optimistic,

playful

[Ruby]

Congratulations, playful

May your relationship with your husband flourish,

Ruby

[Isabelle90]

I have a positive update to add to this thread. Namely, my husband and I had a really enlightening conversation this weekend. In short, we talked a lot about the problems in our marriage in the past, and our communication issues. And you know what? I really, really think he understands this time. And he apologized for not understanding in the past.

Anyway, we both made a commitment to really make an honest effort to make our marriage work. We're also going to explore the potential of a D/s relationship as we regain our trust in each other. So, I might be needing some feedback from those of you who are in D/s relationships with your long-time spouses.

Feeling optimistic,

playful

I'm a sucker for a happy ending!!!! Even more so for the romance!

How about spilling some details as you journey through this? Of course, I mean "juicy" details! LOL

Seriously, Play, I wish you all the best in all of your endeavors! As well as everyone else on their own journey. We're a community of supporters, learners, and hopefully, friends!

[jeanne]

Playfulsub - that's wonderful news! I wish you both the best of luck.

[Playfulsub]

Thanks, y'all! I appreciate the warm words of support. And yes, I fully intend to share our journey (as much as he's comfortable with) as we move along.

I'm trying to convince him to register here and start posting!

[hispleasure]

Well,,,

My husband and I have been together almost 11 years, married 9. We "opened" our marriage about 2 years ago. It has been challenge, but the rewards are truly amazing.

I was single until I met him...I dated ALOT, had many many great experiences in my dating life (EVEN knew I was submissive, but never expored that....save that for another thread...) I dated multiple guys at a time, am I polymorous? I believe so, but that too is another thread.

My husband and I define our open marriage as having the ability to explore new relationships, emotionally and sexually. We are committed to each other and our marriage and life together. We've agreed that these outside relationships will not interfere with our life.

For me I come at it from a very practical perspective...

~~we are mammals; Why are we the ONLY species that are supposed to meet, mate and procreate for a lifetime toghether?

~~Statistically, 70% of the population Cheats (defined as having a sexual relationship OUTSIDE of the marriage/relationship, without the partner knowing) SO, why are so many people cheating? Are they all devious, hurtful, uncaring, selfish beings out for themselves? I DON"T believe so. I believe that we are truly a polymorous being, but society has conformed us to believe in a monogomous relationship. We are drilled to believe that there is a "one true love" for us all... All that said, I do believe in monogomous relationships work as well.

~~When we take the stigmatism out of "cheating" and recognize that open relationships are a healthy and viable alternative, we take sooo much stress out of our lives. My husband can never cheat on me..I will never cheat on him.

We both have a relationship outside our marriage. His friend S- is also married and has a family. My Sir is married and has a new baby. Both our partners also have open marriages.

We explored open marriage at my inserting the idea, it has taken a long time to get us to where we are, and still uncomfortable moment. But you know what..we talk, we are honest, we share our concerns and feelings and celebrate each others happiness. I went thru something with My Sir a few months ago that I wasn't comfortable with, and you know who I leaned on? Yes, My husband.

It truly is liberating and rewarding. My husband and I share so much more quality in our lives now! We don't fret the small stuff, we enjoy our time together and have so much more to talk about. Our lifestyle has enriched our marriage (and our sex life together )

I'd be happy to share my journey in more detail if you have any questions. It has not been easy, and some days so fucking hard I wanted to just give it up and "be monogomous" but that is not who I am. The trials are so worth the tribulations! For any relationship to work, you have to be honest with yourself and true to who you are!

Please pm me if you want to know more, I am always happy to share in a lifestyle that I TRULY believe in!

submissively,
ra

[alpha_Straye]

Many have said that a D/s relationship is one of honesty and respect. If someone is in a D/s relationship outside of a marriage, presumably vanilla, how can either of them (D/s couple) know that the other is being honest?

When is it "okay" to have a relationship outside of marriage? If someone realizes they are dominant or submissive but their spouse is neither, is it appropriate to start a new relationship with someone that is in the lifestyle?
...

to me, a betrayer will just as easily betray you. after all, if theyre doing so with their spouse, the person they have vowed to bind their life to.. then some bit on the side is up a creek at the first inconvenience. without Honour how could there be trust?

the only exception i can think of is if the person in question has talked to their spouse in all honesty and gotten their consent to find someone else, i assume for interests they cant live without but their spouse has no interest in. i have heard of that working out ok and crucially it's not a breach of Honour... if they really have discussed it.

id be darn sure it's true first though, if it were me. i think id want to talk to their spouse myself first to make sure it really is ok, what their take is on it, etc. and id have to be in some sort of special circumstances myself to risk it as it sounds like a less stable arrangement.

as for the online take on it i couldnt say as i dont do online and dont really see things that way. there is only one reality to me.

[Radiance]

When we date we try to find the right partner,whats the use of getting someone thats not into your kinks,I read alot of people online seem to be married for many years then start screaming vanilla, but wasnt the partner vanilla when you both met,were you both vanilla ?It seems the more chat rooms and online BDSM sites the more people are unhappy with there year marriages.WHY IS IT LIKE THIS?and if your not happy why prolong the marriage,to me it just makes everyone unhappy.I am not picking on anyone here its how i feel.I may chat online but ive been married 23 years,well living together and at first my hubby wasnt into all my kinks, but he was into some so i knew he would be the man for me.I didnt date a guy that wasnt into my kinks cos i knew our time together woudnt work.I still believe that the internet has a big sway in peoples thoughts now, because when i was young not many that i knew were into the stuff i was,and i found it hard to find others with my interest..As for cheating,i say Dont, truth is everything in life if you dont have that you have nothing...Radiance