mari,

My heart goes out to you, what a difficult situation. Like tessa, I won't try to guess what j's feelings are...but I can share my feelings about adding another submissive to my marriage...

This weekend, I shared a fantasy with my husband - a one-time thing that I'd be willing to do if all circumstances were perfect: for him to watch while I have sex with another woman. He loved the idea, but added his own part to the fantasy - rather than watch, he wants to participate. To be honest, that hurts in a way that really surprised me. I'm spending a lot of time thinking about it - why am I hurt? Am I afraid he'll like her better than me? Will he want her more? Is it just the act of sex with another woman by him that bothers me? And the ultimate question - if I don't ever do this, does that mean I'm not "truly" submissive to him? Aarrgh - what a tangle! We've been together 22 years, but only begun the "BDSM journey" in the last few months and we are both happier in our lives and with each other than we've ever been. I guess I'm afraid of all the above things. What a window into my own insecurity this possibility has given me. So, now, I'm just letting it sit in my brain and trying to let go of the fear. It won't be happening any time soon and will require lots of clear communication between the two of us. We may never do it, then again, who knows?

Take care of yourself and your child above all else, mari. You are special simply because you exist and must love yourself first and foremost. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you navigate this difficult path.

jeanne