tessa,

I hear you, and completely understand.

When I was younger, I was clay. Easily molded. I didn't know who I was, and I was forever trying to be what everyone around me wanted me to be.

It never works. I'm older, and (I'd like to hope) a little wiser. I'm not as malleable. I have opinions of my own. I can be stubborn. I've learned (the hard way) that I have to cling to who I am, and what I want. If that makes me less "submissive" in some eyes, well, that's their opinion.

I don't think you are "barely submissive". I think you are "realistically submissive". I'd love to be like some of the subs/slaves in stories that I've read (and written) and be able to let go like that *snaps fingers* and submit to his every whim and desire, whenever, whereever. But I'm not like that. I have a real life. The munchkins need me. The house gets messy. I get overwhelmed, or sick, or just plain distracted.

I'm not always willing (or able) to do whatever pleases him. Sometimes I'm scared to try something new, or just plain tired. But everytime I catch myself "putting it off", I remind myself: "This is what you wanted. Take it."

I was once told "Nothing worthwhile is easy; nothing easy is worthwhile." And it's true...if it was so easy, would the rewards be as "worth it"? Not for me, at any rate, and I think, not for him either...

*hugs tessa* I love you, just the way you are! Forgive me if I rambled, or missed the point entirely!