Quote Originally Posted by Dorkalicious View Post
The fact that you walked away from a ten year marriage is astounding. I'm not sure how many people could do that, but I know what you mean when you say that the desire/need was that strong. It was a big reason of why I walked away from my last relationship. It was beginning to get physically painful to think about not having that aspect in the relationship...
Lots of people were astounded! I didn't know anything about BDSM, other than some soft porn. All I knew was that I was sick and tired of being in charge. I made all the decisions, from where we went to dinner to where we spent our vacations to buying our home to when we had sex and in which position, and then dealing with any fallout from those decisions pretty much all by myself. I guess I expected more from a man 11 years my senior. No matter how I tried to tell him to step up and be a man, in the bedroom or out, he only whined that he didn't know what to do. I've spent my entire adult life topping him from the bottom as well as blatently topping him, and he only showed some backbone when it came to custody of our son. I'm living with the ramifications of my decisions, but I feel it was the only way to keep my sanity, literally. I had 2 bouts of severe depression during my marriage. The first time, 3 years into the marriage, I was in complete denial of what the problem was and opted for medication, titrating up to the highest dose of Serzone, which was 300 mg a day, for 2 years. The second time, 4 years after going off the medication, I opted for marriage counseling which didn't save the marriage but made me realize it was okay to let go. I only weighed 99 pounds when I left him. I feel much better now, though I still suffer from insomnia. I have a chance to start over, and I'm trying really hard not to be the bossy, nagging bitch I was with him. It's no easy feat, especially when showing respect for a man doesn't exactly come naturally to me.

Wow! Where'd all that come from? *ggls* Back on topic, y'all!