Quote Originally Posted by Rhabbi View Post
tessa,

I see this a lot. Submission is trained out of you by the culture, this does not mean that you are barely submissive, it just means you have not found the proper person to submit to.

I have to say there was a time that I never would have agreed with this.

Rhabbi, I have to tell you, now, I think you are right Sir!

I think this is right on, for me anyway. I have always longed for a proper man to submit to, loved the idea of letting go in this way and wondered so many times if it was even possible for me (being a strong willed creature) to do so. I always knew he was out there. I met "Him" a couple of times, but timing was bad in some way, circumstance outside the bedroom, whatever it was it just did not work out to a level past "barely submissive."

Luckily, I have met a man who, somehow, (I think it has to do with our chemistry togther, and lucky timing...) he has inspired me to submit. I found the proper person to submit to at the proper time, not just on an intellectual and physical level, but completely, with my entire heart.



I am also with Russell in that a challenge is a lot more fun than a simple surrender. If we go back and forth a bit a sub and I can learn a lot more about each other than if I simply walk up and she does whatever I want. The process of training is one of learning about each other so that we know the strengths and weaknesses we have and forge us into a complete whole, stronger than the parts.

I prefer a barely submissive woman to a door mat. If I wanted a doormat I would go to Home Depot.

Excitement invloves tension, resistance, friction. I understand the mental shift, the deeper feeling of being able to let go.

I can give Him the power, let him do the deciding, and willingly follow his wishes...not that I never resist, not that I have no ideas of my own...he is growing to expect certain, hmm, creative acquiescence.

If he did all I want when I want it, well, it would get predictable. I would not want a predictable Dom. Blah.

The amazing feeling is caring oh so much that he gets what He wants from me. When I know he is happy with me, this is when my deep submissive need is most satisfyed. The whole point of it, His happiness satisfies me and I am His.

Flip the switch.

Ok, on the other side, the object of my desire to dominate, currently a beautiful, tragically unsure woman I know...if she was not so in need of direction, we would not have the dynamic we have. She might submit to me sexually, eventually. We have repeatedly discussed this, but we both know it is a big step. In the meantime, I am helping her fix some things in her life, work on some of her baggage. How will she know what she wants until she is less burdened in herself? When she is more stable, then maybe, if she still is asking me for sex...funny, I feel desire for her, but it evaporates because she is not disciplined enough in her mind. I want to know she is happy enough with herself to really know what she wants, and if it is me, well, as long as it is okay with the Man...

I am happy with her as we are because I love her, not the idea of her doing something in particular.

I have ideas, but the ideas of how deep it could go are not the relationship itself.

She wants to fix her problems, to grow and learn, and I am honored that she has chosen me as a friend, and as sexy as she is this never has to involve sex. Ever feel like something is big and inevitable? It just feels like a natural progression, for me to continue be this increasingly dominant, sexual person for her, and for her to be more and more eager for my approval. We both are loving it.

Submission is trained out of us by the culture. In America we are encouraged to climb over each other, to get "on top", join that rat race, bigger house bigger car, become the boss, make more money... arrrrgh...is this really the dream? Control of money and people are powers falsely equated to satisfaction by many.

Getting control of myself and therefore getting what will satisfy me, this is my goal.

Am I close, oh wise Rhabbi? Is that kind of what you meant by 'trained out of you by the culture'?

For me, a large part of the amazing satisfaction I feel--having found a proper man to dominate me in a way that inspires such a deep feeling of submission--is letting go. When I let go of how I thought it should be, started floating with Him instead of swimming upstream, that's when it felt deep.

He lifts the stress of my natural ability to be the strong responsible woman that I actually am. I am a switch, but I do not feel 'barely submissive' with him.

When I think I have been too cold or blunt with my girl, I ask her if I have been too hard on her, and she hugs me and says "no no no, I like it when you talk to me like that, it helps me, please don't stop", I feel deeply dominant, like I am doing a good job.

I see no conflict; I am strong and capable. With Him, I willingly submit. With her, I responsibly lead. These are strong positions for me. They are not mutually exclusive. Letting go my own self doubts and anxieties and cultural "training" has helped me with both sides of me.

There seem to be plateaus, levels if you will, that I reach as I gain experience in both dominance and submission.

I have to have both.

The delicious power to help my girfriend see her gifts by guiding her, and the gift of power to my man so that he may reach a greater satisfaction (and that I may benefit from his wisdom and strength) are both possible because I am with the proper people at the proper time in our lives.

However it plays out, It all comes down to properly pleasing myself.

I gave up thinking I knew how things should be, and started believeing in myself and my ability to find my own happiness. Even when I had no lovers at all.

tessa, this is a very cool, deep thread. Reading all these ideas and explaining myself helps me to clarify my own feelings.

You have helped me learn.

thanks for this thread tessa, you rock, and not 'barely'...

BP