I've been thinking some more on this, thanks to all these incredible replies.

First off, the term "doormat", used in any context with the topic of submission, is bugging the heck out of me. No disrespect meant to anyone. Submission, in whatever form it appears, whether it be high-spiritedness or quiet dignity or anything in between, brings with it a great amount of power. To deem any of it with the term "doormat" is doing all submissives an injustice. When that term is used, I think of misguided souls who just don't know their worth yet.

Tom brought this shadow of a thought to the forefront of my mind when he said:
Quote Originally Posted by TomOfSweden
And surely all Doms want women who want to be doormats, or we wouldn't be drawn to being Masters? The reason why I don't want a docile door mat isn't that it would be boring, (which I'm sure it wouldn't be) but the fact that I would know that I'm probably not giving her what she needs. In my experience the real challenge is to get a sub to share the demands she has in way other than having a tantrum and standing, tears streaming, with her bags packed in our hall.
Ok, ignoring the word "doormat", what he said was what I wanted to say and didn't know how to say it. The dynamic of the D/s or M/s relationship is about someone having control and someone giving up control. Of course, there are extremely varying degrees of what "control" means to every individual, but without both those parts, not much but sheer frustration is going to be going on, right? For some Dominants, the idea that a submissive would be docile and immediately obedient is a massive turn-on. But for other Dominants, being involved with someone struggling with their need to submit is what they prefer. Ok, that's my thoughts on it anyway.

Some submissives are very aware and cognizant of who they are and what they want to be. They push a Dominant's limits as much as the Dominant pushes their's. But for some submissives, they are still in the learning process, trying to understand all of it and where their place is. They need (we need) guidance and patience and training, to get us to the point of assured awareness and knowing our worth. I'm learning from the Dominants here that the challenge submissives like that present doesn't make us worthless or useless. We aren't for everyone, but neither is every Dominant appealing to every submissive (sorry Doms ) It's about the journey of "more"- finding each other and discovering just how far and deep the relationship can go.

How's that for thinking out loud?

tessa