The Joys of a High-Maintenace sub

[Rhabbi]

Apparently subs think that we Doms want doormats. Let me tell you, if I want a doormat I will go to Home Depot and pick one up.

I was having a discussion today with one of my subs and she asked me if she was high-maintenance. It came about because she had been going through some rough times and was worried that I was getting a bit tired of the emotional roller coaster. I told her that Doms expect subs to be high-maintenance, and that it is the basic definition of a sub.

It actually got me to thinking about this, and although it was said as a jest and to reassure her that I am not upset about the need to reassure her, I realized that I do expect this type of thing from a sub. I do not see them as high-maintenance in the sense that they are needy or clingy, but in the sense that I, as a Dom, expect to help them adjust to my style and temperament.

This process is often a drawn out one, and involves adjustments on my part as well. And this actually is even more difficult and prolonged. Walking a sub through this journey is a life time commitment, and requires a firm hand and a soft touch.

Personally, I am glad that subs are high-maintenance. This makes my life interesting and allows me to learn about them and myself as I go along. This makes me a better Dom, and a better man.

I propose that we honor all the high-maintenance subs here, and even have a contest to find the one that is the most challenging.

[Arria]

Kiss.

*wipes tear from eye*

[angelic.zest]

hmmmm? *thinks if im high-maintance or not*...well i consider myself to be abit high-maintance maybe because i know my self worth and want to be appericated for my submission to that "right" Dom, and not just be grouped into a sub who is clingy,needed ...because all know im neither ..so i guess i am abit "high-maintance"..

[Rhabbi]

hmmmm? *thinks if im high-maintance or not*...well i consider myself to be abit high-maintance maybe because i know my self worth and want to be appericated for my submission to that "right" Dom, and not just be grouped into a sub who is clingy,needed ...because all know im neither ..so i guess i am abit "high-maintance"..

C'mon zest, you know you are definately high-maintenace.

[kestrel]

~smiles all high maintenance like~

Seriously though, I know that I am mental and emotional high maintenance but that is far from being clingy and needy. I am fortunate to have a Master that is caring and understanding and willing to let me be high maintenance. It's a two way street. He's a high maintenance Master. ~grins~ The differences between Mishka and I make it so that where one falls short the other picks up the slack so it all works out and everyone is happy. I reckon you could call us a high maintenance family that works.

[Rhabbi]

~smiles all high maintenance like~

Seriously though, I know that I am mental and emotional high maintenance but that is far from being clingy and needy. I am fortunate to have a Master that is caring and understanding and willing to let me be high maintenance. It's a two way street. He's a high maintenance Master. ~grins~ The differences between Mishka and I make it so that where one falls short the other picks up the slack so it all works out and everyone is happy. I reckon you could call us a high maintenance family that works.

Well put kestrel.

[princess_of_pain]

This should be an interesting contest. I'm wondering exactly what criteria the subs will need to meet in order for us to suss out the highest of high maintenance submissives.

*Watches with anticipation*

[Flaming_Redhead]

I propose that we honor all the high-maintenance subs here, and even have a contest to find the one that is the most challenging.

Here here! Not that I'd be eligible for the contest if there was such a thing.....*smiles sweetly* Maybe I'd qualify for "most likely to be spanked...often" or "most bratty." *ggls*

[Ozme52]

I guess I kind of disagree. But it may be due to semantics. If you define high maintenance as requiring lots of love and attention, then who can argue.

But high maintenance in the vanilla world, imo, means someone who is so self centered that they must be the center of attention and they're never satisfied when they get it. Sounds like the opposite of a sub to me.

[kestrel]

I guess I kind of disagree. But it may be due to semantics. If you define high maintenance as requiring lots of love and attention, then who can argue.

But high maintenance in the vanilla world, imo, means someone who is so self centered that they must be the center of attention and they're never satisfied when they get it. Sounds like the opposite of a sub to me.

I believe in this case high maintenance means requiring lots of love and patience as well as understanding. Yes, I can be a huge pain in the ass and the brat from hell should I choose to but that is only a momentary thing. {Master won't tolerate it for long....~grins~} When we refer to high maintenance it isn't in a bad way.........this time!

~ponders starting a thread about how high maintenance some Dom types can be~

[Mishka]

But high maintenance in the vanilla world, imo, means someone who is so self centered that they must be the center of attention and they're never satisfied when they get it. Sounds like the opposite of a sub to me.

It can be, but I would make that the definition of a "pain in the ass". "High maintenance" might be the pretty word that is used to cover up the gritting teeth.

I see it as a matter of patience. Committed couples eventually (maybe not right away) accept that the other person has certain qualities and quirks that, no matter how long you live together, no matter how much they challenge and irritate you, won't be something they can really improve, help or fix.

A physically high maintenance vanilla wife takes the 45 minutes to preen and fluff herself before going out, or she needs a great deal of foreplay and comfort for sex, or she is extremely picky with food, etc. Her husband sits patiently, accepting that this is his wife, he loves her, and these particular traits can be infuriating and endearing all at the same time. The maintenance is knowing when to be patient, when to reassure and when to push her ass out the door.

I am lumped in the other category of an emotionally high maintenance wife. I cannot fix my "brain chemistry" to rid me of certain "disorders"; the meds help, but I will always challenge the patience of my loved ones in this area. If I get out-of-control upset I can be talked down it just takes a little while, sometimes i need a smack in the head (figuaratively speaking) to "snap out of it" (for the moment) and sometimes my panic attacks need calm reassurance.

Make sense?

[princess_of_pain]

It can be, but I would make that the definition of a "pain in the ass". "High maintenance" might be the pretty word that is used to cover up the gritting teeth.

Just wondering what that makes me...high maintenance, pain-in-the-ass, or the dreaded "combo pack?"

[Logic1]

makes sense Mishka

[Logic1]

I bet you are the loved combo pack

[princess_of_pain]

I bet you are the loved combo pack

LOL Why thank you Logic1. You sure know how to make a girl feel special!

[gagged_Louise]

How about a contest "most demanding Dom/me?"

[Warbaby1943]

High maintenance? Don't know if I would call it that. Needing attention and reassuring to me doesn't necessarily mean high maintenance. I would never enter AG in any contest but she certainly is not a doormat and I would not want her to be. She has at times and still does require a lot of reassuring but I wouldn't call that high maintenance but as Oz said, maybe it is just semantics.

[Hime]

I'm definitely high-maintenance in the sense of needing a lot of attention and reassurance. I think it's important for anyone in a BDSM relationship to be able to speak up when he/she needs to be reassured or comforted, because what is obviously joking or playful to one person could touch on a sore spot for someone else, and we don't know until someone tells us where those lines are. This is especially important in my relationship because we both have more baggage than a 747. Both of us would prefer being told "hey, quit saying that, it's upsetting me" or "um, you don't *really* think I'm a slut, do you?" to being told "I think I need to go back to therapy." Know what I mean?

[Rhabbi]

High-maintenance = love and attention.

I guess it is a bit late to quibble about the definition here, but this thread is sorta my attempt to lavish some love, attention, and reassurance on my subs. They need it at times, and at times they feel they are a bit too much trouble. I want them to know that I consider them to be worth the trouble. After all, if they were not, I could be a bad Dom and simply go find one of those doormats.

[Mishka]

High-maintenance = love and attention.

I guess it is a bit late to quibble about the definition here, but this thread is sorta my attempt to lavish some love, attention, and reassurance on my subs. They need it at times, and at times they feel they are a bit too much trouble. I want them to know that I consider them to be worth the trouble. After all, if they were not, I could be a bad Dom and simply go find one of those doormats.

Thank You, Sir.

You're worth the trouble, too, Master. i mean that in the most endearing way possible.

[Ozme52]

High-maintenance = love and attention.

I guess it is a bit late to quibble about the definition here, but this thread is sorta my attempt to lavish some love, attention, and reassurance on my subs. They need it at times, and at times they feel they are a bit too much trouble. I want them to know that I consider them to be worth the trouble. After all, if they were not, I could be a bad Dom and simply go find one of those doormats.

Den ya shudda called da t'read "The Joys of Lavishing Love and Attention"

[pixie_dust]

Den ya shudda called da t'read "The Joys of Lavishing Love and Attention"

Oz, I think perhaps you've spent too much time up north. *giggles* You're sounding like a "yooper".

[Ozme52]

Oz, I think perhaps you've spent too much time up north. *giggles* You're sounding like a "yooper".

[Rhabbi]

Den ya shudda called da t'read "The Joys of Lavishing Love and Attention"

Two points.

1. It is my thread.
2. I thought this sounded better.

Plus, it got your attention.

[Ozme52]

Two points.

1. It is my thread.
2. I thought this sounded better.

Plus, it got your attention.

Then you gotta define your terms or expect dissent.

[Rhabbi]

Then you gotta define your terms or expect dissent.

Dissent away, it keeps the thread up.

[wingsofanangel]

I am high maintenance for sure!

I am an attention whore... and I whine and pout and throw temper tantrums... I love to be cuddled and loved.. and I act out for attention.. yes.. I am a brat too..

But thats me... and I'm loveable and mostly a good girl... and My ex online Doms seemed perfectly happy in pleasing me and vice versa...

Ocean.. do you agree? I'm fairly clingy, aye?

[Warbaby1943]

I am high maintenance for sure!

I am an attention whore... and I whine and pout and throw temper tantrums... I love to be cuddled and loved.. and I act out for attention.. yes.. I am a brat too..

But thats me... and I'm loveable and mostly a good girl... and My ex online Doms seemed perfectly happy in pleasing me and vice versa...

Ocean.. do you agree? I'm fairly clingy, aye?

What was your name again? I think I vaguely remember someone with the same name as you use only she used to post an occasional picture of herself.

[Rhabbi]

I am high maintenance for sure!

I am an attention whore... and I whine and pout and throw temper tantrums... I love to be cuddled and loved.. and I act out for attention.. yes.. I am a brat too..

But thats me... and I'm loveable and mostly a good girl... and My ex online Doms seemed perfectly happy in pleasing me and vice versa...

Ocean.. do you agree? I'm fairly clingy, aye?

We have the beginnings of the criteria for our contest then.

1. Attention Whore
2. Whine
3. Pout
4. Temper Tantrums
5. Desires Cuddling
6. Desires loving
7. Acts out to get Attention
8. Bratty
9. Lovable
10. Good Girl/Boy
11. Worth it to their Dom/mes

Although this list is long, I am not sure it is comprehensive. Does anyone else have anything to add?

BTW wings, as one of those who had the pleasure of being your online Dom, even if for only a short time, it was definitely worth all of the effort.

[wingsofanangel]

We have the beginnings of the criteria for our contest then.

1. Attention Whore
2. Whine
3. Pout
4. Temper Tantrums
5. Desires Cuddling
6. Desires loving
7. Acts out to get Attention
8. Bratty
9. Lovable
10. Good Girl/Boy
11. Worth it to their Dom/mes

Although this list is long, I am not sure it is comprehensive. Does anyone else have anything to add?

BTW wings, as one of those who had the pleasure of being your online Dom, even if for only a short time, it was definitely worth all of the effort.

why thank you! -kissies- I take honor in being high maintenance...