Quote Originally Posted by Tojo View Post
I don't envy your postion Tom- you're pretty much planning on doing the impossible.
Well, it's not a unique position for just me. Anybody at the party/in the Stockholm scene has a responsibility to take care of others in it. If nothing else, just to keep the scene alive.

Quote Originally Posted by Tojo View Post
I have two suggestions, one that's been mentioned- to make yourself available & listen to subs. A part of that is to ask questions.
This is so difficult. My former room-mate and also one of the main organisers of these parties was a dom who listened. There's this thing with subs that they have a pronounced tendency to have all these sob stories that after you've listened for a while realise that they're just wallowing in pointless self pity. My former room mate was fed streams of complete bollocks each time he was planning to get laid. I heard most of it.

I think it's a cultural thing. Being submissive is somehow considered to be the result of some kind of damage so subs tend to go out of their way to find this traumatic thing to explain their abnormal behaviour, no matter how silly this trauma is. I don't think pervyness is the result of a trauma. Not at all.

My point with all this was to say that being available to women still might not help, because it will be impossible to tell the whiners from the women with real problems.

...and aren't abused women sadly the best at maintaining a stiff upper lip? My mother was and still is an abused women. In her fantasy land all is great. She's been through so much and so long I doubt she'd recognise reality if she left my dad. Above all, she doesn't want to be saved. According to her they have really good sex and that is why she stays, even though I'd call their relationship a disaster. So I grew up with this kind of shit really close to me, and I still can't tell the difference from outside.