a helping hand

[annie]

Annie, I don't know if I'm "supposed" to be taken seriously or not, as I don't exist "in the lifestyle" as it is "defined" in the "box thinking" version. However, from my perspective, it is a Dom's responsibility to see to the safety of his sub, no matter what her state of mind when she comes to him. I believe that he is called to rise above those circumstances and protect her anyway, and I brook no violation of that intent. I speak, of course, only for myself, and thus for my expectation of others.

Gear

I agree it is as much the Dom's responsibility as it is the subs. That being said though the point I was getting at is...

1) There are as many "new" Doms out there who experience the same issues as the new subs and may want to learn but don't know how to go about it. After all... they are potentially finding the same type of information that is as misleading as the subs are.

2) Who is to judge what is abuse? Just because Dom A doesn't do it like Dom B is that really abuse? Would Dom's A sub think it was or would Dom's B? The point being that, in this arena defining "abuse" is a hard thing. There are as many Doms as there are fetishes and what may be "abuse" by one isn't by another and honestly even going with the Safe, Sane, Consensual standard leaves it open to interpretation. So, who would set the rules and determine what the rules were? A murky area at best. Basically like a thread Tom started not to long ago about being in charge at parties and trying to keep everyone safe... where is that line in a lifestyle that pushes each persons limits in completely different fashions and who has the right/responsibility to determine the line and limits?

well said GearJammer, it's too bad the wannabe's could care less about the subs welfare and hence the danger

Does the wannabe not care because they are just asses or do they not care because they don't know any better? Either way a dangerous situation since we all know how good men (Dom's in this instance) are at asking for directions!

i do think i have to agree with annie - if these gurls are truly dumb enough to put themselves out there with the 'i'll do anything' attitude without first learning what that means, then they too have to be responsible for themselves which unfortunately too many young people today don't think they have to (sound old much? lol). they put themselves out there teasing with photos and text to gain as much attention as possible and then have the nerve to be 'hurt' when it doesn't go their way - they are no more submissive than i am Dom.

It isn't old fashioned it is the way things should be done... we each have to take responsibility for our own actions... even when we fuck up! The MODs in chat get a hard time at times for doing this exact thing for taking responsibility for the person when they are acting in a stupid/dangerous fashion. I know when I was a MOD I used to. BUT, there has been more then one instance where someone comes in, posts something about "I'm new take a look at these photos" or "i'm looking for a Master text me at this number" or even "Who wants to use me?" *rme*

i have watched many of these types of gurls come and go in chat rooms 'pretending they don't know what they're doing' batting eyelashes, asking stupid questions that even my daughter would know the answer to - feigning stupidity to gain attention - what's worse is watching Every man (real and wannabe included) falling over themselves to 'help' *rolls eyes* and even more so if they are of the 18 to 20 year old variety lmao so bloody obvious

That is what kills me... the Dom's that I thought I respected falling for that stupidity ploy. *rme* I will admit that there are some who's lights aren't all on... hell I burn a bulb out often enough myself. But still... for some it is an obvious act... *rme*