I've been lurking and posting here on the forums for several months now, since November of '07 in fact. It's been a GREAT resource as J and I are both quite new to living the actual Lifestyle. Fantasies are one thing, role play another, but having an actual living, breathing relationship? Whole 'nother ballgame. We've been able to utilize a lot of the members here for one on one advice or questions, as well as using the site overall to explore and to look in on other people's experiences and commentary.

In the time here I've noticed one pretty common thread in regards to doling out advice of any kind, especially to those new and unsure of themselves: the advice given that starts out with "you need to do" this, or "you should do" that tends to be met with (at the best) disinterest or defensiveness and (at the worst) flat out hostility and rejection. No one, even subbies *gasp!*, likes to be told how to live their lives if the "advice" is presented to them in a way that comes across as elitest and condescending. It makes no difference if the giver of said advice meant it to be that way or not.

I see the most successful threads and advice given when people talk about thier own experiences, and let folks draw conclusions that way, and leave themselves open to be asked questions and approached by the newbie crowd. Seems less intimiating and thus more effective that way. Perhaps a few threads dedicated to "firsts" in all of our BDSM lives would be a good resource? Our first o/l relationship, our first r/l relationship, out first big failure and first big success?