The Next Step in D/s

[orangeblossoms]

I decided to post this threat because I am about to embark on a new chapter of my life with my owner, meaning were getting married, and I was curious as to how many of the members of this forum wish they could take that step someday with their owners or slaves?! Is marriage and making a family an essential part of D/s, or a continuation even...

I know for some BDSM oriented things atleast in my case, my partner, as much as I love him, is a means to an end, meaning, I cant quite bind myself in the strictest bondage without his help, and as for the breath play, thats out, cant be suffocating myself all too well without risking something bad happening. Are there bondage couples who see their relationships, as loving and wonderful as they are as strictly D/s. Or are you already married, and the thrill of being with someone who can give you that helpless owned feeling is what truly gets you going?! A lot of detail is not necessary, just wanted your opinions or thoughts on this, wanna make sure Im not the only one wanting marriage, kids, a house in the suburbs, and complete control here...

[lily27]

Congratulations! That is really exciting!

I am definitely one that wants it all. We own a house together, and are expecting a baby. We are going to get married sometime after she is born. Neither of our families have mentioned any problems with us having the babe "out of wedlock" so getting married before her arrival just isn't a priority. To be honest, planning a wedding is the very last thing I need at the moment, and I really have no desire to be a pregnant bride. But we will do it when the time is right.

But yes, our future plans include control, bondage and all of the kinky stuff, as well as a large family. We already have the house in the suburbs and a couple of dogs. You can definitely have it all.... you just have to be willing to go out and get it, and not be willing to settle for anything less.

[gemmy]

Congratulations!! Good Luck to you both

As I am Masterless, I can't say but the thought truly is sweet. I do however believe that if you've made it to that wonderous step of truly giving all of yourself and your submission successfully to One, there is no need for marriage really as you have probably already commited more than most

Of course this is coming from a woman who's had two failed marriages and no desire to go there again so take the above with a grain of salt lol

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Congratulations, orangeblossoms! I've been a collared sub to my Master RedWraith for the past 8 years and have been His wife for the past 7 1/2 years. And yes, it is possible to have it all, to be a sub/slave and remain in a D/s relationship with Him. W/we don't have children; W/we are child-free by choice, but I am sure there are other D/s couples out there who have children and make the D/s relationship work.

W/we have a house in the suburbs, I wear a collar 24/7, W/we have pets, etc. So on the outside W/we appear pretty vanilla (my collar looks like a silver choker). I'm sure there are others like U/us out there. And it can work, as long as you and your Master are willing to put forth the effort and work at it.

[casie1124]

Marriage, house in the suburbs, kids, ext are things that many many people want irregardless of being into to d/s or not. It's very possible to have it all. I had it all in the past...it does take balance but it's very possible....CONGRATS!!!

[Ozme52]

Congratulations.

[cadence]

Congratulations to you and yours.
To be honest, I still don't know what I want yet, and will need to do a lot of hard thinking to finally come to a definate answer.
I do know that I don't want to live vicariously through others for the rest of my life.

[Tojo]

Congratulations orangeblossoms, & a very good question indeed.

Surprising as may sound, I really can't imagine a 24/7 D/s relationship, & nor could I imagine wanting one.

My wife is generally submissive towards me, but I couldn't imagine bondage & D/s being more than just part of a relationship.

The ideal sub for me, is a woman who's powerful & confident- but chooses to submit to me for a period of time. I believe in regular tasks & rituals, but can't get my head around being married to someone who sees me as her Master.

Geez it's bad enough now, I spend half my life encouraging my wife to be more confident & independant.

Please- no offence to all the lovely subs out there who are powerful & confident, & married to their Dom- I know it's possible!

I just can't imagine it- if my wife was taken by aliens, I can't imagine jumping into a D/s relationship that was every day of my life. It's a part of me, not my sole reason for living.

[orangeblossoms]

Ironically enough one of the things I struggle with the most is something that I truly want which is to have children one day. I know its possible, so many of you, and others have children and manage to keep the kinky spice alive, but I must admit I worry that it will cut it into the 24/7 control relationship I live with my owner. We all have our obligations regardless of the D/s. but I just think that my son or daughter finding their mom completely mummified and helpless in the basement would cause some problems. Does that make sense or just sound plain silly?! lol

[thrall]

love you guys..

congratulations.....

[orangeblossoms]

Congratulations orangeblossoms, & a very good question indeed.

Surprising as may sound, I really can't imagine a 24/7 D/s relationship, & nor could I imagine wanting one.

My wife is generally submissive towards me, but I couldn't imagine bondage & D/s being more than just part of a relationship.

The ideal sub for me, is a woman who's powerful & confident- but chooses to submit to me for a period of time. I believe in regular tasks & rituals, but can't get my head around being married to someone who sees me as her Master.

Geez it's bad enough now, I spend half my life encouraging my wife to be more confident & independant.

Please- no offence to all the lovely subs out there who are powerful & confident, & married to their Dom- I know it's possible!

I just can't imagine it- if my wife was taken by aliens, I can't imagine jumping into a D/s relationship that was every day of my life. It's a part of me, not my sole reason for living.

Thanks for chiming in, a guys perspective is always much appreciated. Its definitely not possible to live a 24/7 D/s life and I had to learn that the hard way. And my fiance, he always tells me that he wants the confident girl first, the one who kicks butt and takes no prisoners for school and work and such, but its not always easy maintaining that attitude even if he wants it, b/c he tells me what to think and when to think, so Im constantly fighting back going a bit mindless.

Another thing I should mention which probably will make more sense on why I asked this, I tend to be driven by extremes. Everything is taken to the max. Cant just have one thing bound, have to be completely bound, cant be 95% obedient, have to be 100% obedient, and I know its just not reasonable.

This made me think of another question?! How many doms demand or better put expect (b/c some ask very sweetly, which is absolutely nerve wracking) a girl or boy to be absolutely obedient. Where does the line get drawn between physically being told to things, and living your life precisely as someone else sees fit?! *very inquisitive glance all around*

[orangeblossoms]

Congratulations, orangeblossoms! I've been a collared sub to my Master RedWraith for the past 8 years and have been His wife for the past 7 1/2 years. And yes, it is possible to have it all, to be a sub/slave and remain in a D/s relationship with Him. W/we don't have children; W/we are child-free by choice, but I am sure there are other D/s couples out there who have children and make the D/s relationship work.

W/we have a house in the suburbs, I wear a collar 24/7, W/we have pets, etc. So on the outside W/we appear pretty vanilla (my collar looks like a silver choker). I'm sure there are others like U/us out there. And it can work, as long as you and your Master are willing to put forth the effort and work at it.

Very reassuring, and l have permanent steel cuffs, that look just like a pretty piece of jewelry to the unassuming eye too...

[lily27]

You can live a 24/7 D/s life, you just have to change your definition of what that means. I have it, but I am not in bondage all the time, I don't sleep in a cage. I have a job, friends, family obligations, etc. I make all kinds of decisions on my own.

But at the end of the day, if Master wants, Master gets. And its not always about sex (in fact it is rarely about sex). For example, today I wasn't feeling well and was getting fairly cranky about it. Master told me to go to bed.... I protested.... he raised an eyebrow.... and I went. I can't imagine anything different. I find safety and security in the knowledge that he is always looking out for me, and will "pull rank" if he needs to.

As for kinky sex and kids, I don't think it is a whole lot different then regular sex and kids. There are lots of things you can do after they are in bed, and behind a locked bedroom door... although I would recommend that you hold off on the mummification for a night the rugrats are at grandma's.

[Tojo]

The term 'absolutely obedient' sounds too much like a doormat to me. Things change all the time, & so do people- flexibility is very important.

There needs to be a constant challenge for me personally- & boy do I get that with lisa!

[tessa]

I decided to post this threat because I am about to embark on a new chapter of my life with my owner, meaning we're getting married

In his grave, Freud is absolutely salivating at that slip right now.

I believe in regular tasks & rituals, but can't get my head around being married to someone who sees me as her Master.

Geez it's bad enough now, I spend half my life encouraging my wife to be more confident & independant.

Please- no offence to all the lovely subs out there who are powerful & confident, & married to their Dom- I know it's possible!

No offense taken by this lovely, powerful and confident sub, but those who are still in need of encouragement and support from their significant other might take offense. I think it's the "...bad enough..." that will get them where it probably already hurts.

Ironically enough one of the things I struggle with the most is something that I truly want which is to have children one day. I know its possible, so many of you, and others have children and manage to keep the kinky spice alive, but I must admit I worry that it will cut it into the 24/7 control relationship I live with my owner. We all have our obligations regardless of the D/s. but I just think that my son or daughter finding their mom completely mummified and helpless in the basement would cause some problems. Does that make sense or just sound plain silly?! lol

It makes sense, and while yummy-image producing, does not sound silly at all.

Having children can and will wreak havoc interruptus on the physical activities now and again...and again and again. But the mental play can still continue. You just need to have realistic expectations about how it will be after tots are toddling around and getting into everything. ~pictures him amidst the tots...thinks of Napolean Dynamite saying, "you gonna eat those tots?"...giggles wildly~

And yes, your child finding you mummified in the basement would freak him-tot or her-tot out to no end. I don't recommend it. And forget locked doors. They become something to conquer to aforementioned tots. And there is no mood-killer like the one where your child is on the other side of the door, knocking loudly and saying even more loudly, over and over, "Hey! Mommy?? Daddy?? What are you doing? Can I come in too? Hey? Mooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyy!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyyy!! Let me in!" As Lily said, utilize heavily stay-overs at Grandma's if you can.

This made me think of another question?! How many doms demand or better put expect (b/c some ask very sweetly, which is absolutely nerve wracking) a girl or boy to be absolutely obedient. Where does the line get drawn between physically being told to things, and living your life precisely as someone else sees fit?! *very inquisitive glance all around*

The line is drawn by the both of you together, in precisely the way you want it to be drawn. Everyone's line is unique and in all kinds of different places.

The term 'absolutely obedient' sounds too much like a doormat to me. Things change all the time, & so do people- flexibility is very important.

There needs to be a constant challenge for me personally- & boy do I get that with lisa!

Good for you and lisa. Glad you have the relationship you want. I have to say, though, qualifying the type of submissive that certain Dominants prefer as a "doormat" is a bit off-putting, much the same as characterizing challenging submissives as bratty bitches who top from the bottom would be.

Progressing to an absolute level of obedience doesn't signify stagnancy. Quite the opposite, I imagine. Talk about an ever-changing process! That kind of discipline doesn't just happen. It takes time and skill and perseverance from a Dominant and submissive to achieve such. All-around challenge, I would think.

We are all unique, no matter our manner of serving. Name-calling should be left to those who utilize it best- presidential candidates with self-serving agendas. Besides, they make it funny. There's that.

[Logic1]

Congratulations to you two.
That is the natural step for most couples no matter if they are into D/s or nilla and it is for me too.

I dont get why anybody would want somebody who just obeys everything. A girl without fight is a girl without spirit for me.
I want the fiesty/fiery clever girl to "battle" with if you know what I mean. I want some resistance and some challenge. No "doormats" doesnt interest me.

[lily27]

And yes, your child finding you mummified in the basement would freak him-tot or her-tot out to no end. I don't recommend it. And forget locked doors. They become something to conquer to aforementioned tots. And there is no mood-killer like the one where your child is on the other side of the door, knocking loudly and saying even more loudly, over and over, "Hey! Mommy?? Daddy?? What are you doing? Can I come in too? Hey? Mooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyy!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyyy!! Let me in!" As Lily said, utilize heavily stay-overs at Grandma's if you can.

Good points. I think very few children will notice a locked door, and then just go about their business on their own (unless maybe they are teenagers, and know what mom and dad are doing, and have to go do something to strip it from their minds). But it does give you a few seconds to get the cuffs off and throw the flogger into the closet!

[angelic.zest]

Congrations to the both of you!!!

[orangeblossoms]

Good points. I think very few children will notice a locked door, and then just go about their business on their own (unless maybe they are teenagers, and know what mom and dad are doing, and have to go do something to strip it from their minds). But it does give you a few seconds to get the cuffs off and throw the flogger into the closet!

Couldnt have been better said, Ive had to pull a couple of those when I stay over at my folks house, throw everything in the closet real quick, and manage to hope that you put your clothes on the right way, so hurray to door locks, saved me from being caught in some truly awkward positions!!!

[Ozme52]

Ironically enough one of the things I struggle with the most is something that I truly want which is to have children one day. I know its possible, so many of you, and others have children and manage to keep the kinky spice alive, but I must admit I worry that it will cut it into the 24/7 control relationship I live with my owner. We all have our obligations regardless of the D/s. but I just think that my son or daughter finding their mom completely mummified and helpless in the basement would cause some problems. Does that make sense or just sound plain silly?! lol

Think day care... and when they get older, summer camp, and vacationing with school friends' families. Be prepared to reciprocate.

There are ways... and vanilla parents have the same issues. Just different toys and situations...

[Ozme52]

In his grave, Freud is absolutely salivating at that slip right now.

Laffin, My thoughts exactly.

I have to say, though, qualifying the type of submissive that certain Dominants prefer as a "doormat" is a bit off-putting, much the same as characterizing challenging submissives as bratty bitches who top from the bottom would be.

I have to say that absolute obedience is far from making a sub into a doormat. I know all too many partnerships which are passive-agressive, with the partners listening but ignoring their mates, or not listening at all... or debasing their partners with verbal abuse...

and I know plenty of partnerships where one partner is absolutely obedient yet everything is fully considered and discussed, decisions are made together in full partnership. But when there remains a disagreement, there will be one who makes that decision. It may even be, 'You have to decide on your own.' and even THAT order must be obeyed. When I've heard enough, a 'hush now and let me think about it for a while' gets a hush.

The point is, with absolute obedience on the table, you just don't go to that point in a partnership where one partner (or both) has withdrawn from the partnership and just accepts the tacit service provided by the spouse, whether it is income, or yardwork, or household chores. That's creating a doormat in my opinion.

Progressing to an absolute level of obedience doesn't signify stagnancy. Quite the opposite, I imagine. Talk about an ever-changing process! That kind of discipline doesn't just happen. It takes time and skill and perseverance from a Dominant and submissive to achieve such. All-around challenge, I would think.

Agreed.

[Tojo]

Yeah I guess absolute obedience isn't technically a 'doormat' but geez it sounds a bit that way to me. I was thinking more of a sub who says yes to everything right from day one.

My own personal preference is for a little brattiness & lots of intelligence to keep me on my toes I guess. It's the challenge that keeps it interesting.

Having thought about this thread, I'd have to confess I do like my girl to do what I want though. Absolute obedience might be stretching it, but it's important to be serious.

[VixeyandPhoenix]

Firstly, congratulations!
My Master and I have been married for 7 months now, and we are very very happy. We own a house, have 2 dogs, plan on having babies... and we plan on keeping the kinky aspects of our relationship no matter what. Obviously the more visual and sexual things have to be kept behind locked doors with children in the house, but the possibilities are still pretty vast.
It's very comforting to have the two "lifestyles" if you will, co-exist (marriage/family/etc, and BDSM). I like knowing not only that I have a husband I adore, but also that my respect and obedience will be rewarded and I will not be permitted to behave badly. It's a sense of security for me, and a very complementary balance for us both.

When we got married I changed my last name to his, and told him that I feel it's the "ultimate collar" to have his name instead of the one I first came to him with

So yes, I think marriage and BDSM are a great mix!

-slave Vixey

[H Dean]

I always wonder at the doormat conversation. A girl with high self-esteem and self-confidence can never be a doormat, regardless of whether she obeys totally. The fact of the matter is that she has made a major choice: to trust in one and give him her obedience. If he is worthy, he will make proper decisions with her in mind and free her of the worry. Essentially, her last decision needs to be her most thoughtful. After that, there is really no reason for her not to be totally obedient.

[Ozme52]

I always wonder at the doormat conversation. A girl with high self-esteem and self-confidence can never be a doormat, regardless of whether she obeys totally. The fact of the matter is that she has made a major choice: to trust in one and give him her obedience. If he is worthy, he will make proper decisions with her in mind and free her of the worry. Essentially, her last decision needs to be her most thoughtful. After that, there is really no reason for her not to be totally obedient.

Well put.

Reading your signature line... I realized... Oh! Outstanding!

Congratulations Dean.

[Isabella King]

Where's the fun in absolute obedience?

My own personal preference is for a little brattiness & lots of intelligence to keep me on my toes I guess. It's the challenge that keeps it interesting.

I like the cut of your gib, Tojo

[tessa]

~skips on in and gives Mr. Dean and orangeblossoms big ol' hugs and sneaks in a few gropes...sees Mr. Dean's pout and humors the man by groping on him as well~



You both have already gotten my heart-felt congrats, but here they are again, just 'cause I wanted to grope the cute one. ~winks at her~

Love you guys!
tessa

[Tojo]

I always wonder at the doormat conversation. A girl with high self-esteem and self-confidence can never be a doormat, regardless of whether she obeys totally. The fact of the matter is that she has made a major choice: to trust in one and give him her obedience. If he is worthy, he will make proper decisions with her in mind and free her of the worry. Essentially, her last decision needs to be her most thoughtful. After that, there is really no reason for her not to be totally obedient.

OK, I hereby withdraw the 'doormat' analogy! Never liked that sucker anyway.

There is a reason for her not to be totally obedient though- it would be soooo boring......

[H Dean]

OK, I hereby withdraw the 'doormat' analogy! Never liked that sucker anyway.

There is a reason for her not to be totally obedient though- it would be soooo boring......

Total obedience doesn't do anything to squelch her personality and, her being rotten. Hell, the girl can do exactly what I say and behave exactly how I want while still pointing out something stupid I may have done.

I should add - she is rotten and she does like poking a stick at me. 'Course, she likes when I poke her with my stick, too. (fade to black)

[H Dean]

~skips on in and gives Mr. Dean and orangeblossoms big ol' hugs and sneaks in a few gropes...sees Mr. Dean's pout and humors the man by groping on him as well~



You both have already gotten my heart-felt congrats, but here they are again, just 'cause I wanted to grope the cute one. ~winks at her~

Love you guys!
tessa

Thank you, Tessa.