It's quite an emotional ride for me, reading all these stories. I feel like I should maybe complete mine as I left out "the gory details" and many of you have not avoided sharing your own gory details.

The reason I had so much trouble with the beast in the fourth grade was her insatible appetite for extreme control. You couldn't even get permission to go to the bathroom without having to do an "extra page of spelling" for homework. At that time we didn't change classes and had the same teacher all day. So, if you do the math you can see homework can increase real quick, and I suppose you can see where all this is going. I had enough trouble getting everything done without adding extra homework, so I tried to wait for recess or lunch or dismissal to go. Most days I couldn't hold it. My folks went to the principal but were told there was nothing that they could do (about the teacher) and suggested they take me to the doctor to get me checked out for maybe a health problem. The beast hated me for it and went out of her way to humiliate me constantly. Of course, by then I had a reputation among my classmates that lasted for years.

On top of everything that woman was a nun. Since that time I've held a paticularly black hatred for nuns. Also, I can't stand people who enjoy humiliating others. Sometimes when I read of a Dom/me humiliating a sub or slave I feel like removing their face with a sledgehammer. The feelings are still that strong. (Apologies to those of you who engage in humiliation play. As long as it is play.)

Originally posted by fetishdj:
I find it surprising that you can let go physically but not emotionally.
fetishdj, The emotional scars are the toughest to heal, and sometimes they never do. They fade, but don't heal. And it's worse when it happens when you are a child. You are taught that adults are suppose to help you, to keep you safe. When they don't it makes everything worse. And worse again when an adult does the abusing. And in my case the adult was religious. This happened forty years ago. It is still painful.

When my oldest daughter was in second grade her teacher wrote the names of students who forgot their homework on the blackboard. My little one was very embarrassed because she had never been in trouble before and had never forgotten and assignment. My wife went to talk to the teacher alone (while I was at work) because she was afraid I was going to hurt her if I went. I wasn't planning on it but I was planning on great bodily harm if she humiliated my daughter again. Thank God for a loving wife.

Sometimes I wonder how different my life could have been. Even though I like ropework from both sides, I have a problem submitting. At least if I'm the Dom I know that the top won't hurt anyone.

Well...wow...whew. I've only told this story to my therapist and my wife. And I'll tell you it is really hard to type when the world is all blurry and wet from tears. (A couple of times the dog looked up at me with a look of concern on her face. She's a little sweetie.)

All in all, my experience didn't cause my submissive tendencies or cause my Dom tendencies either. But it definitely does affect how I act on them.