Quote Originally Posted by ashtonDs View Post
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And abuse doesn't cause submissive or dominant feelings. It does affect how you react to the tendencies. I remember having some of these feelings before my abuse. Now, I find it really hard to completely submit to someone. And at the same time makes me very aware that in a Dom position I could hurt someone. Ultimately when I do submit it has to be with someone I totally trust (wifee ). And if I top I have to be very sensitive to what my sub feels and how I am acting. I hope just it makes me a better player in either situation.
I read your post and was definitely nodding at your final paragraph--I think part of my switch sides comes from both wanting to be in control and wanting to have it taken from me.

I agree that the issue of trust becomes a larger one after any type of abuse. In high school I was sexually assaulted by several older boys. For a long time, I didn't trust men at all (heck, I still think guys are icky).

When coming to bdsm, my first partner was much more experienced than I. She pushed my limits hard. I resisted and found, to my surprise, that being taken could be enjoyable. I soon wanted to be the one in charge. Being sexually aggressive was difficult, at first. It was scary to be the one in charge of securing someone down and being responsible for their pleasure much less being the one inflicting pain.

I find that my best experiences are with partners I trust. I need to know that they will safeword out if things get to be too much. Once that level of honesty is reached, only then will I be able to trust them to take charge and take care of me, too.