As someone else here alluded to...i don't know that we can pin point where specific fetishes, etc come from...and i DEFINITELY do NOT think that all bdsm fantasies spring from abuse....however, i can say for myself that - at the risk of making this a miserable run-on sentence - there were submissive tendencies in me from as young as i can remember. STILL...i also was very conscious of a shift that took place when i started having sex as a teenager and realized that the boys i was having sex with were getting a lot more pleasure than i. Later, when i reflected on being molested as a child, i learned phrases from text books like "identifying with the aggressor." i believe that came from self psychology, and manifests itself in a way that might also be described ast Stockholm Syndrome. Anyway, when i learned that phrase, i didn't associate it with being mosleted as a child. Instead, i associated it with my sexual experiences as a young woman. Finding that the boys i was with did not care about my sexual pleasure, i fetishized that experience. i now find it to be a real turn on when my sexual needs are not given importance. Therefore, the whole "use me,abuse me" kind of thing. Again, not saying this is true for anyone else...just speaking to my own experience.