Originally posted by Krougar:
I don't like uncertainty, the more variables I can eliminate the happier I am
The problem is, with people who have been abused, we don't even know all the variables. You can't know them (and we can't expect you to). And as for you eliminating them, that is impossible. There is no surgery you can perform to remove them.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is hurting you must realize that:

1) all you can do is lend love and support
2) ultimately they, with your help, have to make to decision to purge the demons (or remove the variables as you say)
3) it is not a neat linear process that progresses in neat steps
4) the process is messy at times and
5) if you get involved with them, don't give up and leave after a short while, you can do more damage than you can ever realize.

I'm not trying to attack you I'm only trying to say that you are only human, as we are, and this not something you can fix, even if we wanted you to.