I think a big reason of why I'm such a sadist is mainly because from 3rd to 8th grade I was pretty much tormented, and stuck in a catholic school. For the first 3 years, I got the shit beat out of me almost every day, was jumped multiple times, and got molested by kids older than me. I had the idea that I was worthless so beaten into my head, that I never said a damn thing until 6th grade when I 'snapped' so to speak, and broke a broom handle of the back of a kid's head and gave him a concussion. Pretty much from that point on, I've learned that I love hurting people, seeing people in pain, etc. Another factor of if is most likely my family history, on both sides, there's a long history of mental illnesses. I realize I must sound completely fucking overdramatic, forgive me for that. It pales in comparison to most peoples' trauma, but that's my stupid reason.