Submissive troubles

[sinderella]

This is just a curiosity. I have a sub, online only, we talk (daily practicaly) and we aren't together in any other sense. In anycase, the point of this is. she talks as though she wants a moderately serious Dom (a sacred bond she calls it), which is what I hope for, then she wont speak with me, or will suddenly stop, she generaly has a...good...reason for it, then we will talk, and she will fall over herself (practicaly) with listening to what I tell her to. It is a bad cycle I find myself in. I love her as my sub, but sometimes...she ignores me persay, and this is aggrivating. I don't know what to do about her. In essence how should I, get her under control, or what in general should I do about her?

i know exactly what this feels like. i must be honest when i reply, even if it might not be something you want to hear. i know people get busy in their daily lives...we all do. but whatever is going on, save something dreadful like a family emergency, will not keep me from anyone i want to be with. i had begun a new connection with someone who wanted to be my Master, and had met him many times. i won't go into the details, as i already posted about it in another thread. what i will say is that from the first moment we met, he was always available...even on his busiest days, he would connect with me, either through text messaging or emails, chat or phone calls. i felt funny one time since he had spent three hours talking to me, would it be a burden on his work and he said that was one good thing about being the boss. one time i had a really busy morning and something came up that required me to be across town, and it got to be around noon, and he texted me, twice, asking me if everything was ok. i pulled over on my way to my destination and left him a voice mail, telling him i was ok and i would contact him as soon as i got home, and he texted me right back, thanking me etc.

right before Halloween, we met as usual, (for what later turned out to be the last time) and that night he seemed preoccupied and i sensed something had changed, even though i hadn't done anything different than i normally did....and the next morning, his tapering off began. where he would text me each morning - nothing. where he would be online waiting for me - nothing. where he would email, telling me he was busy but we would talk soon - nothing.

this went on for a few days, and i would text him a little, and get no reply.

so i emailed him and asked him what was going on - no reply. that is when i said goodbye to him the first time, and of course he emailed me saying he was super busy and he adored me, with no promise to connect soon, whereas before we would plan to be together soon...only days would pass between our meetings, not a whole week.

so i accepted that, and again, the same pattern played itself out, and i emailed him just to sort of tug on his coat tail a little and he emailed me saying he had to see a client and was taking a co-worker with him and would be unavailable for two days in any way, text, email, VM...and when the two days passed - nothing.

so i emaled just to say hello, and a second time - nothing, so i told him once more goodbye, and he replied again how busy he was and that he would be traveling to another state but we would be together when he returned, and that, while there, he would "keep me close" in email and text messages and guess what - nothing. absolute silence.

of course, for me, it was agony, because i was in love with him and any contact from him was paradise, and once again i was disappointed.

so i came to this site and talked to people outside of my situation and even though it was painful i saw myself being the fool, and i didn't like it because i am not one to allow myself to be treated this way by someone. i had only called him univited once, that one time to reassure him that i was ok...but this time, i called him and he answered and he said he had just gotten back into town and we would meet very soon...we talked for like a minute. a precious minute to me, since it had been weeks since i had heard his voice in my ear. then he followed up with another short email saying, rather than monday night, we would meet tuesday, then that didn't work so let' s try wednesday...finally we spoke again on the phone and he said let's meet thursday...so i went out and got this really pretty cami, a black one with a little silver ring on the bodice and prepared myself for our meeting then about an hour before our scheduled meeting time i thought 'hmm, i should check my email before i log off'...and sure enough, there was a terse email from him saying he was super busy and regrettably could not meet that night, but once again, a vague comment about when we would meet, so i emailed him back asking if he could clarify since his response was confusing and once again - nothing. i mean, not even a text message to say we couldn't meet - what if i hadn't read that email? i would have driven over to our designated meeting place and he would not have arrived and there i would have been, waiting and wondering. i never understood his sudden inability to text message, unless of course he had become involved with a co-worker, which would mean she would notice him texting someone not her at the office...he couldn't text me when he was at home because his wife might see.

and so, for a third and final time, i told him goodbye and even went so far as to block him so he couldn't pull me back because i am weak where he is concerned, but my heart doesn't have the stomach for it - for being thwarted again and again, when all i want is him, and to be wondering all the time, your imagination filling in the blanks...for what?

i don't know if her unavailability hurts you or really does just aggravate you...but i will say if i were someone's sub, nothing would keep me from him because that is where i would want to be. i will also say that, before him, i was involved with a vanilla man....just a flirtation...but he got clingy and i started talking to another man and suddenly had no time for him, and he asked me after a few days what was going on and i was honest with him and said i didn't want to continue communicating with him, and he appreciated my honesty.

otherwise the person is just there, waiting...i know what that feels like, and it feels terrible.

this is only my opinion, based on my own experience. but i will leave you with a quote from Baz Luhrman, who says 'never be reckless with anyone's heart, and don't allow someone to be be reckless with your own.'

i honestly wish you all the best.