Quote Originally Posted by cadence View Post
You've hit the nail on the head there, it is difficult to find a submissive willing to understand or make the effort to live this way.




Online opens up a whole new world of exploration for BDSM. And to me it's a seemingly easy way to fall into a comfort zone where expectations and commitments can be easily obtained or discarded. No harm no foul to certain people.
That's the way I see it anyway.

I think that there are few people who really understand the realities of a poly relationship. It sounds romantic, ideal and a wonderful way to live when reading about it, but the work and effort to live it becomes a slap in the face, when one has to start living it.

I think this lifestyle sometimes falls under the category of cool. Much like a submissive who declares she is bisexual because Dominants like that.
Polyamory is intriguing and submissives would love to be able to say that they can live this life and there are no issues at all.
Then I think that because of all the information that is thrown around about finding the one, being the best submissive, being strong and independent get misconstrued altogether.
A submissive doesn't understand that while they are important in a poly environment, they are not the one and only submissive in the relationship.
It's a difficult process at best to adjust to and one that requires a lot of soul searching, hard work and commitment.

I for one would prefer to share in the way that you describe, however I have yet to experience it to the fullest so I am still unsure as to whether or not this particular lifestyle is to my liking.
I do understand what is involved and am prepared to do the work and make the effort.

It is probably rare that you will find a submissive who does understand the concept and is willing to work at starting a relationship with you both.
That isn't to say that they aren't out there. I do believe you can meet someone online, but the searching is the hardest part to it.
I appreciate your response, and the issues you touch on. I don't understand the "slap in the face" part though. Do you mean the Reality of Living Poly to someone who has not Lived it yet? Or something else?

I do Agree that online does open up a World of possibilities in a sense. But the downside is the other things you mention (re; committments being "easily obtained or discarded") in the same paragraph. Unfortunately too True. And especially difficult for someone like me, who is used to Real Time people and interactions. And I am the same online or off. I have a hard time between the 2, Real Life and the Net. *Getting* the ones online so to speak. It's oftentimes hard to decipher who is Real and who isn't, with no Real Time experience with that person. And then the anonymity the net provides. And then the people out there who believe "it's a dog eat dog World" and they are a "pit bull". Geesh! And that too often that aspect of that persons agenda is hidden by that person.

What's wrong with the plain and simple Truth upfront? Leaving Everyone free to persue what they wish for in their Lives. Instead of spending months trying to work through what was never compatible to begin with? All drama and BS I don't think anyone serious needs or wants. Or maybe that's the crux of the problem? Too many out there that feel it's ok to "easily obtain committments and simply discard them"? After all, it's just online right? And a huge number of people just online for the temporary thrill of those things. Not at all our goal. <sighs>.

OTOH, Poly IS a "Romantic, ideal, and Wonderful way to Live" and Love, *When it works*. And just as horrific and painful as any other Relationship Styles when it doesn't. Maybe more so in a sense? Because instead of having 2 people hurting when things fall apart, there are more people hurting.

And so you and your M are also seeking others to add? Reading that you wrote you are "willing to do the work" etc.

And yes, Poly is the more difficult road for sure. I dunno what may be "cool" about Poly? I do know a lot of Dominant's think they'd like it. And that experienced Poly Dominants are few. It's also an issue what ones definition of Poly is for themselves is. Ours is Intentional Family. But everyones is different. Poly is such a generic broad definition word. It can encompass anything from Poly Swing/Sexual, to Poly Fi, and all in the middle. Knowing what other peoples definition is for themselves and what they seek from Poly helps a lot.

Maybe online seeking for this is like the "needle in a haystack" thingy?

Respectfully~SidheWolf