D/s without bondage/pain

[leo9]

For me, spanking is a punishment and NOT something I enjoy. My Dom enjoys doing it even when it's not a punishment, and it's something I struggle with because it conjures feelings of guilt and/or doing something wrong even when I'm doing exactly what he wants/says..

Have you tried thinking of it as something that happens for his pleasure, and that you endure to please him?

[openyoureyes]

Have you tried thinking of it as something that happens for his pleasure, and that you endure to please him?

Yes. That doesn't always help with the bad feelings I associate with it, though. We had a discussion about it after an incident where he caught me off guard (I was half asleep and trying to get off the couch to head to bed) with a really hard spank and I basically burst into tears and kept backing away from him (which never really works anyway). So we talked about it and he agreed to give me warning if I agreed, well, to stay put, lol. At least until I am able to get passed this mental block. It's hard for me to push through some of the mental blocks and I haven't quite figured out how to relax, quiet my brain, and just let go.

[Jennifer Williams]

Yes. That doesn't always help with the bad feelings I associate with it, though. We had a discussion about it after an incident where he caught me off guard (I was half asleep and trying to get off the couch to head to bed) with a really hard spank and I basically burst into tears and kept backing away from him (which never really works anyway). So we talked about it and he agreed to give me warning if I agreed, well, to stay put, lol. At least until I am able to get passed this mental block. It's hard for me to push through some of the mental blocks and I haven't quite figured out how to relax, quiet my brain, and just let go.

That just takes practice and patience. It sounds to me like the communication between you two is fairly good, and I think you came up with a pretty good compromise- he gets to spank you, but you get to be warned first (so at least you can prepare yourself for it). This is the kind of thing you'll probably just get used to, eventually you'll be able to tolerate it just fine, and then maybe one day you'll like it just because he does. But that last step isn't totally necessary; if you can get it so that it's tolerable to you, then he can get his enjoyment from it and that's good enough. Congrats on the ability to have such a conversation with each other- for some people, that's the hardest part!