Friendship

[Lafarian]

Well, maybe I just don't have a lot of close female friends any more, but the female friends I do have are literally labeled in my brain as 'people' before 'female'. Unless the whole 'love at first sight' phenomenon occurs; I might appreciate the aesthetic beauty of a woman as far as me knowing my surroundings but rarely will sexual feelings- ever get involved in the social contexts I am in when hanging around the female friends I do have.

So maybe I'm just looking at this question from a somewhat... inexperienced/rusty point of view? Because I do believe cross-gender friendships are wholly possible, when both parties are in understanding that they are both 'human' before a certain gender.

Than again when relationships are forged, barriers are broken- and knowing a person well makes the cannon ball into a bomb-shell. At first the skirmishes of chaotic feelings with rapport, before a possible full blown war of emotion occurs.

In hindsight, I might be thinking in circles. Ahhh-well.

[Thorne]

In hindsight, I might be thinking in circles.

I find this happening quite frequently whenever I try to understand women.

But I tend to agree, we are all human, first, and gender second. I don't claim that any friendship between the sexes MUST become sexual, just that, under the right circumstances, it COULD become sexual, and the more friendly and knowledgeable the two are the more likely that some sexual feelings will occur under those circumstances.

If you are never really alone together, always with other friends or in public places, so that there is no real opportunity for intimacy, the chances are very remote. If one, or both, are involved with someone else, the chances are remote. But if neither has a romantic partner, and placed into an intimate setting with no one else around, the possibility of having some kind of sexual activity is increased. Not inevitable, but possible.

[brwneydgirl]

If one, or both, are involved with someone else, the chances are remote.

I don't agree with this at all given the context of the OP's question. It makes no difference if one or both of the parties (friends) are involved with other people. If they are friends, there will most likely be some sort of sexual tension. No matter what their status is outside of that friendship. Whether they choose to ACT on it MAY depend on what their status is...but not whether or not the tension is there.

[Thorne]

I don't agree with this at all given the context of the OP's question. It makes no difference if one or both of the parties (friends) are involved with other people. If they are friends, there will most likely be some sort of sexual tension. No matter what their status is outside of that friendship. Whether they choose to ACT on it MAY depend on what their status is...but not whether or not the tension is there.

Yes, the tension would remain, but the chances of actually becoming sexually active with one another decrease if either or both are involved with someone else.

[thir]

I don't agree with this at all given the context of the OP's question. It makes no difference if one or both of the parties (friends) are involved with other people. If they are friends, there will most likely be some sort of sexual tension. No matter what their status is outside of that friendship.

But why? What do you think about the 'being people before gender' thought that some here has voiced?

[brwneydgirl]

But why? What do you think about the 'being people before gender' thought that some here has voiced?

For example, Lion's post about being "friends only" with his roommate and highschool chum. While I don't doubt his word, I DO find it difficult to believe that a man and woman can be friends...very close friends and have NO sexual tension there (obviously given that both parties are straight). You're comfortable with each other, there is something tangible that you genuinely enjoy about the other person. Maybe I'm shortsighted but I say, given the right set of circumstances, those two friends have thought about taking things further.

I suppose you could argue that you're not attracted to ALL of your friends...and of course, no one is attracted to EVERYONE. But how many truly unattractive friends do you have (of the opposite gender)? I have quite a few male friends...and I find most of them to be at least moderately attractive. Does this mean I'd like to jump into bed with all of them? No. But we do tease each other and make "off color" comments to each other...does that constitute "sexual tension"?

[thir]

[QUOTE=brwneydgirl;898426
I have quite a few male friends...and I find most of them to be at least moderately attractive. Does this mean I'd like to jump into bed with all of them? No. But we do tease each other and make "off color" comments to each other...does that constitute "sexual tension"?[/QUOTE]

I've been wondering whether it is simply a cultural habit, flirting? We do not seem to do it as much here.

[Lion]

For example, Lion's post about being "friends only" with his roommate and highschool chum. While I don't doubt his word, I DO find it difficult to believe that a man and woman can be friends...very close friends and have NO sexual tension there (obviously given that both parties are straight). You're comfortable with each other, there is something tangible that you genuinely enjoy about the other person. Maybe I'm shortsighted but I say, given the right set of circumstances, those two friends have thought about taking things further.

I suppose you could argue that you're not attracted to ALL of your friends...and of course, no one is attracted to EVERYONE. But how many truly unattractive friends do you have (of the opposite gender)? I have quite a few male friends...and I find most of them to be at least moderately attractive. Does this mean I'd like to jump into bed with all of them? No. But we do tease each other and make "off color" comments to each other...does that constitute "sexual tension"?

Regarding my roommate, we talk about each other's sex lives. We're open like that, and it hasn't made me feel uncomfortable (I don't imagine it makes her uncomfortable as well since she brings up the topic a fair bit). And my friend from high school, sex is not a topic of conversation for us. Not because we avoid it, but it's just something that never popped into our minds. Think about talking about sex with a sibling, this pretty much fits the mood.

I can say though that cross-gender friendships are not for everyone. Some people can have it, and some people can't.

[brwneydgirl]

I can say though that cross-gender friendships are not for everyone. Some people can have it, and some people can't.

I can have friendships...they just happen to include a bit of mutual flirting or ribbing. And I like it like that...almost puts a bit of fire in my blood for some reason.

[thir]

I have quite a few male friends...and I find most of them to be at least moderately attractive. Does this mean I'd like to jump into bed with all of them? No. But we do tease each other and make "off color" comments to each other...does that constitute "sexual tension"?

Maybe just a sort of easy "sexual awareness"??

[IAN 2411]

I find this happening quite frequently whenever I try to understand women.

I gave up on that idea one year into marraige, and decided to go with the flow it was more entertaining.