So, Red and I were talking and she brought this term to my attention- "barely submissive". I understood instantly what she meant by it. We seem to understand each other really well on things such as this. And on things like riding a horse down a trail through the woods and that a Ruby Relaxer is the best cocktail on the planet.

For us, 'barely submissive' means that we struggle within our submission. We are strong-willed, passionately opinionated women. We think (sometimes too much) about what it is to actually submit, what it means to us and for us. We understand the depths to which our submission could take us (and the Doms we love), but we are scared out of our hearts and minds about where that might leave us. We are scared because we struggle so much with trusting others and trusting ourselves. Life plays a mean hand sometimes and it has affected how we relate to others and how we perceive ourselves. We honestly want to seek those depths, but the lack of trust holds us back from searching. We know, deep down and true, that we can be so much more in our submission than just "barely". But it takes so much effort and energy to deal with the baggage we drag along with us that it can be an overwhelming task to undertake, for ourselves and for our Doms. And sometimes, because we are so strong-willed and scared and can put on a "pretty face" to hide behind, our 'barely submissive' attitude is seen as the sum total of who we really are and all we can really ever be.

Our conversation about it all made me think even more. Are we stuck at 'barely submissive'? Is that as far as we can ever hope to go? Is there a way, ways even, that we can step out of this almost-there box and be more of what we dream we can be? Is it possible to be shown the way out of "barely" and led towards that beautiful abyss of total submission? Is it worth the struggle of becoming or do we just give up and accept the place we are, even if it's not where we want to be?

I am placing this out there for everyone, anyone, who can shed some light on this darkness we find ourselves in at times.

Thanks.



ps. Red didnt' know I was posting this. I included her presence here because of our discussion and because it helped make me feel not so alone.