chalsia
a journey into the past to find the future
by , 09-09-2008 at 06:16 PM (1270 Views)
In the last week or so i did some serious reflecting on my life trying to figure out the past and perhaps carve a way to my future. so reflection has been a part of my chores that I gave myself last week, my friends death sorta gave me a rude awakening in things.
People used to asked me what made me decide to even looking into this lifestyle and i honestly never really had an answer for it. so now i decided to start from the beginning, prolly gonna happen in stages, but i will be brutally honest with myself and i think in the end it will help me, if nothing else to look at myself more honestly, perhaps discover a bit more of who and what i'm and the needs i have and what do i really have to offer in a relationship. Like .. why would anyone even want me? what can i offer to a Dominant.
Reflecting on my past i realized that feelings of submission started at a very very early age. I remember at age 6 or 7 my family and i still lived in France in this quiet dead end street. the people next door had like a farm house right next to their house and their property was huge. Well at least huge to my eyes. All the kids in the neighborhood always wound up there to play and the boys favorite game was to catch the girls and tie them up. yes tie them up with rope. No no we did not do anything else .. except the boy who captured the most girls was the admired leader of us all. there were three girls and i remember how wonderful it felt to be captured by the boys, how wonderful it felt to feel the rope around my wrists and ankles.. how great it was to be a captive. I had suppressed those feelings, never even admitted them to myself until now. i felt save and secure with the rope holding me, with someone else being in control.
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