Presto Chango...whoops!

Tis a sad day for all who inhabit these hallowed...um, halls. Sad because this is the day that Mad...or Lews, whomever was controlling the keyboard at the moment, has asked me to join him in brow beating...er, critiquing the offerings of those who have made it as far as this high plateau.

It is even sadder because I had to look up the word "plateau". It was either that or wax philisophical about topography and geologic formations. (I hope that joke wasn't wasted)

As I have throughout the previous levels, I shall offer painfully brutal critiques of your offerings. You will all notice that I am better at finding your writing wrongs than I am at writing right. I am also better at wronging than I am at writing. Best of all, I am damned good at bad puns, obscure jokes and left turns. Always remember that three lefts make a right.

Now I shall offer my thanks to Mad or Lews for having the confidence in me to invite me into the Level 4 throne room. Er...no, I won't say it.

And now, I bid you farewell. Mostly because I can't spell adieu.

Aye Mad, to misquote"The Bard"
"Cry havoc, and let slip the Deans of war"

Nay Lews there not be a leash strong enough to hold him back

Run for your lives, you are doomed! Doomed, i say.

(just kidding, guys, you know i love you both_)

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

Run for your lives, you are doomed! Doomed, i say.

(just kidding, guys, you know i love you both_)

---

Imagine, Dragon's Muse, having the run of all the levels without any responsibility's. Able to tear the guts out of any poor student's offerings and leaving it for the instructor to pick up the pieces and stitch those wounded egos back together.

There's only one possible explanation I can come up with. He must have been a saint in his previous life. Now he must carry out vicious evil deeds in his private search for cosmic balance. Then again he just might enjoy being a sadist.

Mad

maybe it is I who is the sadist---lol to inflict the Mad One on the poor students

as I sit back and watch the havoc

As the lone student here, at least for now, I welcome you H dean. I have learned a bit since that first crtique you offered me and I look forward to challenging you to being able to find fault with my stories. Tear awy, for when it comes to writing, I am a masochist.

Rhabbi, show me your soft underbelly. I've a hankering for raw meat.

That was, of course, a dramatization of Lews when he first wakes up.

I do wonder if anyone got the lameness of the plateau joke. I spent a lot of time contructing that joke...like long enough to write it.

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

Imagine, Dragon's Muse, having the run of all the levels without any responsibility's. Mad

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But i do have the run of all the levels. :eek:
(By the way the proper form of the word you want is "responsibilities". Responsibility possesses nothing so no apostrophe is appropriate. )

~~ducking to hide behind Rabbit~~

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

the proper form of the word you want is "responsibilities". Responsibility possesses nothing so no apostrophe is appropriate.

~~ducking to hide behind Rabbit~~

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The Mad Editor strikes again

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

But i do have the run of all the levels. :eek:
(By the way the proper form of the word you want is "responsibilities". Responsibility possesses nothing so no apostrophe is appropriate. )

~~ducking to hide behind Rabbit~~

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And here I thought possession implied responsibility. You now are telling me the reverse is not true? My entire world view is teetering here. I do hope Mr. Dean is a responsible possessor if not exuding possessive responsibility(s) . OK I’ll try real hard to not get anthropomorphic about Mr. Dean’s virtues (or lack thereof.)

Mad & Lews

OK I’ll try real hard to not get anthropomorphic about Mr. Dean’s virtues (or lack thereof.) - Mad or Lews

As soon as I figure out what this means I will react appropriately.

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Originally Posted by H Dean

OK I’ll try real hard to not get anthropomorphic about Mr. Dean’s virtues (or lack thereof.) - Mad or Lews

As soon as I figure out what this means I will react appropriately.

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I was giving your (for lack of a more appropriate term) 'virtues' human characteristics. In the case the ability to own or posses.
Don't feel bad, I'll admit the high plateau joke was a little too subtle,(or gimpy) for either Mad or Lews to get. I've 'splained mine so.....

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Originally Posted by Rhabbi

The Mad Editor strikes again

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It's a disease! i need a 12-step group.

~~stepping up to a podium~~
Hi, my name is rose and i have a editing problem. If my copy of Strunk and White is not clearly visible at all times i have anxiety attacks. If my spell check malfunctions, i curl up in a fetal position in the corner.

~~taking my seat, sobbing quietly~~

OMG----well I failed spellin in schol ---and my spel chek dont work good ---so I's have proof readers and edtors do the hard stuf and I's just come up with them stories
lol

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

I was giving your (for lack of a more appropriate term) 'virtues' human characteristics. In the case the ability to own or posses.
Don't feel bad, I'll admit the high plateau joke was a little too subtle,(or gimpy) for either Mad or Lews to get. I've 'splained mine so.....

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I'll give you gimpy! Fuck. It was lame.

Plateau/Plato...waxing poetic about geological structures.

It was late at night...I was young and stupid...I needed the money. It was the BOOZE!

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Originally Posted by H Dean

I'll give you gimpy! Fuck. It was lame.

Plateau/Plato...waxing poetic about geological structures.

It was late at night...I was young and stupid...I needed the money. It was the BOOZE!

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He's high all right, but not on false drugs: He's high on the real thing. Powerful gasoline fumes, a clean windshield, and a shoe shine.....
(from Firesign Theater's memorable album "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers")
For those of you who are young and innocent an album was a flat circular piece of plastic with groves in it used to store audio files.
Think of it as a precursor to the CD if you will.
Live and learn children, live and learn....

Your Mad Sensei

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

It's a disease! i need a 12-step group.

~~stepping up to a podium~~
Hi, my name is rose and i have a editing problem. If my copy of Strunk and White is not clearly visible at all times i have anxiety attacks. If my spell check malfunctions, i curl up in a fetal position in the corner.

~~taking my seat, sobbing quietly~~

---

Shakes head sadly.
I always wanted to be an Editor when I grew up but if it leads to this...
Puts on a brave smile.
Welcome Dragon('s) Muse. We're happy to have you here and I'm sure this group will support you in your efforts.:) We'd never think to take advantage of your affliction.:rolleyes:
We're only here to help you; Honest!
your supportive friends
Mad & Lews

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

Shakes head sadly.
I always wanted to be an Editor when I grew up but if it leads to this...
Puts on a brave smile.
Welcome Dragon('s) Muse. We're happy to have you here and I'm sure this group will support you in your efforts.:) We'd never think to take advantage of your affliction.:rolleyes:
We're only here to help you; Honest!
your supportive friends
Mad & Lews

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Of course, Darling, i know that YOU would never enable my sickeness by emailing me juice tidbits to edit and proofread. It is good friends like You that make recovery seem possible.
hugs,
rose

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

He's high all right, but not on false drugs: He's high on the real thing. Powerful gasoline fumes, a clean windshield, and a shoe shine.....
(from Firesign Theater's memorable album "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers")
For those of you who are young and innocent an album was a flat circular piece of plastic with groves in it used to store audio files.
Think of it as a precursor to the CD if you will.
Live and learn children, live and learn....

Your Mad Sensei

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As you can see from the title of this post, I am a punny guy.

It seems that Lews was in charge of the post I quoted because only Lews makes such egregious mistakes. An album is not, as my esteemed collegue in harrassment would have you believe, a flat piece of plastic with grooves used to store audio files. An album, musically speaking, is actually a collection of recordings that are stored together on one form of media or another. A music CD, cassette or record (also called an LP) with more than one song is called an album. What Lews was referring to is an LP or a phonograph record.

Unfortunately, while he may suggest that I am high on gasoline, shoe polish and windex, it is he who is suffering from brain damage (a Pink Floyd song).

Live and learn Lews, live and learn!

And now, I shall retire to my bunker, firmly ensconsed behind several layers of bomb resistant materials. I don't want to be in the open when Lews fires back, after all. He will fire back...he is ornery that way.

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Originally Posted by H Dean

As you can see from the title of this post, I am a punny guy.

It seems that Lews was in charge of the post I quoted because only Lews makes such egregious mistakes. An album is not, as my esteemed collegue in harrassment would have you believe, a flat piece of plastic with grooves used to store audio files. An album, musically speaking, is actually a collection of recordings that are stored together on one form of media or another. A music CD, cassette or record (also called an LP) with more than one song is called an album. What Lews was referring to is an LP or a phonograph record.

Unfortunately, while he may suggest that I am high on gasoline, shoe polish and windex, it is he who is suffering from brain damage (a Pink Floyd song).

Live and learn Lews, live and learn!

And now, I shall retire to my bunker, firmly ensconsed behind several layers of bomb resistant materials. I don't want to be in the open when Lews fires back, after all. He will fire back...he is ornery that way.

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To the Honorable Mr. Dean,
May I call you Howard?

As anyone who has experienced life's pleasures for more than a few decades will tell you, the word "Album" is a colloquial term for a "Phonographic Album"

(not pornographic you degenerate).

Even someone as repressed and passive aggressive as, oh I don’t know, say yourself, should not require a complete definition when a single word might suffice.

One of the lessons we (Mad and I) are trying to instill in our star pupil is an economy of words. This implies a shared vocabulary with the reading public.

While you may be technically correct, in an anally retentive kind of way, I would no more insist upon the words phonographic album than I would have need to say 'motion picture show' for a movie or 'foppish dithering dilettante' for a certain literary critic of our mutual acquaintance.

I do hope this clarifies our misunderstanding.

Most respectfully yours
Lews.

If it were two females doing this it would be called a catfight.

*hiding deep in my secret cave*

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

If it were two females doing this it would be called a catfight.

*hiding deep in my secret cave*

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rose,

How could you possibly mistake this exchange of heart felt thoughts and opinions for 'bitch slapping'?

I was actually quire proud of Lews for showing such restraint. It might be the new drug regime, but still for Lews it was impressive.

Too much alliteration?

Yours
Mad

Ok, so a very restrained, well mannered and literate catfight.

A :rose: by any other name. . . .

rose

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

If it were two females doing this it would be called a catfight.

*hiding deep in my secret cave*

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The difference between a "catfight" and what the Lews, Mad and I are doing is that girls get mad and boys enjoy the contest. We will go out for drinks later and reminisce about how I popped him in the nose or how he knocked the wind out of me. If we were girls we would end up as mortal enemies.

Girls don't know how to play fight.

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

To the Honorable Mr. Dean,
May I call you Howard?

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As long as you don't follow it with "the Duck".

Quote:

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As anyone who has experienced life's pleasures for more than a few decades will tell you, the word "Album" is a colloquial term for a "Phonographic Album"

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So it is...at least for those who wish to broadcast their lack of education to the general public.

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(not pornographic you degenerate)

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Yikes, I already had by rubber gloves, motor oil and jack-in-the box ready to go.

Quote:

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Even someone as repressed and passive aggressive as, oh I don’t know, say yourself, should not require a complete definition when a single word might suffice.

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It is true that a single word should suffice. In this case the word "album" should be replaced by the word "record". This, as any "well-educated" individual (such as yourself) should know, is the proper colloquial term for what you are referring.

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One of the lessons we (Mad and I) are trying to instill in our star pupil is an economy of words. This implies a shared vocabulary with the reading public.

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I do hope you teach him the importance of word economics. Of course, it helps to have the right word or the economy breaks down and turns into Mexico.

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While you may be technically correct, in an anally retentive kind of way, I would no more insist upon the words phonographic album than I would have need to say 'motion picture show' for a movie or 'foppish dithering dilettante' for a certain literary critic of our mutual acquaintance.

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Are you asking me out for drinks?

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I do hope this clarifies our misunderstanding.

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You had me at "foppish".

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Most respectfully yours
Lews.

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Stop looking at me like that...it makes me shy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by H Dean

It is true that a single word should suffice. In this case the word "album" should be replaced by the word "record". This, as any "well-educated" individual (such as yourself) should know, is the proper colloquial term for what you are referring.

.

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Not to belabor the point Howard,

The single word 'record' in this case is much less specific than album. Some of our esteemed guests would quite naturally assume we were discussing your rather extensive dealings with the local constabulary. Others might think in terms of alleged earning, accusations of paternity , medical notations, chain of evidence etc.

I truely think Album sends their minds in the proper direction and record might confuse the issue.

If however you insist that we use both record and album then we'll have to deduct one more word from Rhabbi's assignment (1,449 )

It's your call Mr. Dean, I'M NOT GONNA BE THE HEAVY THIS TIME.

Yours

Mad

rose luv,
this minor disagreement on issues of style and substance would hardly measures up to a fight, let alone two Tom's dumped into a burlap sack and hung from the rafters.

For that to happen we'd need to be discussing something important like sports or sex or politics or sex or something like religion or sex.

How about them Sox Mr Dean...

tell me you understand the difference now.

meow
Lews

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

Not to belabor the point Howard,

The single word 'record' in this case is much less specific than album. Some of our esteemed guests would quite naturally assume we were discussing your rather extensive dealings with the local constabulary. Others might think in terms of alleged earning, accusations of paternity , medical notations etc. chain of evidence etc.

I truely think Album sends their minds in the proper direction and record might confuse the issue.

If however you insist that we use both record and album then we'll have to deduct one more word from Rhabbi's assignment (1,449 )

It's your call Mr. Dean, I'M NOT GONNA BE THE HEAVY THIS TIME.

Yours

Mad

rose luv,
this minor disagreement on issues of style and substance would hardly measures up to a fight, let alone two Tom's dumped into a burlap sack and hung from the rafters.

For that to happen we'd need to be discussing something important like sports or sex or politics or sex or something like religion or sex.

How about them Sox Mr Dean...

tell me you understand the difference now.

meow
Lews

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:dunno:

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Originally Posted by Rhabbi

:dunno:

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The only important thing for you to note Rhabbi is that you now have only 1,449 words to use for your first assignment. This is not my fault. Blame the Dean of Students.
We are hoping to hear from you shortly because when the faculty is left with time on their hands they become quarrelsome. Best to face the music quickly and get it over with.
Mad & Lews

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

Not to belabor the point Howard,

The single word 'record' in this case is much less specific than album. Some of our esteemed guests would quite naturally assume we were discussing your rather extensive dealings with the local constabulary. Others might think in terms of alleged earning, accusations of paternity , medical notations, chain of evidence etc.

---

It is odd for me to contemplate the notion that "record" would be more confusing than "album", which has many forms. Use of this word can bring to mind photographs of friends and family or other various collections of various items.

I do find it rather interesting that you would impugn my character when it is yours that is well-known for truly deviant methods. (Please note that I spelled "truly" correctly)

Quote:

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I truely think Album sends their minds in the proper direction and record might confuse the issue.

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Considering your rather profound confusion and aptitude for clouding issues, I would suggest we allow our dear student the full 1500 words. I would also suggest that he be forced to eliminate the use of the words "album" or "record" so as to eliminate any chance at confusing you.

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If however you insist that we use both record and album then we'll have to deduct one more word from Rhabbi's assignment (1,449 )

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There you go again with your deviant methods. I rest my case.

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It's your call Mr. Dean, I'M NOT GONNA BE THE HEAVY THIS TIME.

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You ain't heavy. You're my brother.

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Yours

Mad

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I see a trend for blaming mad with these writings. You cannot fool me. I know it is Lews...up to your dirty tricks. SCOUNDREL, I SAY! SCOUNDREL!

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rose luv,
this minor disagreement on issues of style and substance would hardly measures up to a fight, let alone two Tom's dumped into a burlap sack and hung from the rafters.

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I speak on the topic of substance, which Lews will have none of. Mad, on the other hand, speaks of style; something he is truly lacking.

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For that to happen we'd need to be discussing something important like sports or sex or politics or sex or something like religion or sex.

How about them Sox Mr Dean...

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GO CUBS!

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tell me you understand the difference now.

meow
Lews

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Women will never understand men...we make too much sense.

Disagreement, catfight, debate, toe-may-toe/toe-mah-toe.

As long as i don't have to clean the litter box.

(Cleaning the litter box involves both scat and other species --two of my hard limits.)

Women do not need to understand men. We have 50% of the money and all the pussy. What's to understand.

rose

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

(Cleaning the litter box involves both scat and other species --two of my hard limits.)


rose

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Now you've done it rose,

Bruno is heartbroken. He would have cheerfully cleaned the litter box for you and has always wanted a pussy (cat) to call his own.

Lews will try to comfort him but at the moment he's inconsolable.

Maybe a heaping plate of raw liver will help.
(Bruno not Lews)

try to be a little more sensitive luv,

Mad

Who is Bruno?

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

Who is Bruno?

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rose dear,
Bruno is an imaginary four legged friend of Lews.
A handsome devil of a Harlequin Great Dane with a sensitive soul.
He works as a waiter in the village, but he did have a bit part in "Review This Story"

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/s...p?storyid=3293

To know him is to love him , though not in the biblical sense;
unless of course you're so inclined, because he is an adventurous free spirit.
Aren't you glad you asked?

Mad

While i am sure he is an admirable soul, i will have to pass on knowing him in th biblical sense. As i said before, the interspecies line is a carved in stone hard limit.

I am sure Bruno is hard as stone for those moments.

i hope that Brunella is hanging around somewhere. Because i cannot help him out with that one.

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Originally Posted by H Dean

I am sure Bruno is hard as stone for those moments.

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Alas Mr Dean he's but a figment of Lews fevered brain
Still for all his unsubstantial nature;
'if you cut him does he not bleed?'
Naw I guess not.

Meanin' no disrespect for your etched limits Ms. Muse :)
I just thought you should know Bruno thinks you're hot and he doesn't say that about too many tailless, fur free bitches. He had hopes and you broke his heart. A situation you've no doubt dealt with often. He'll recover and someday look back and know it was for the best. In the meantime he'll take solace in liver and liquor.
Yours
the ever nurturing Lews

"It's OK Bruno, I'm sure she still likes you as a person. Maybe you can just be good friends."

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Originally Posted by Mad Lews

Alas Mr Dean he's but a figment of Lews fevered brain
Still for all his unsubstantial nature;
'if you cut him does he not bleed?'
Naw I guess not.

Meanin' no disrespect for your etched limits Ms. Muse :)
I just thought you should know Bruno thinks you're hot and he doesn't say that about too many tailless, fur free bitches. He had hopes and you broke his heart. A situation you've no doubt dealt with often. He'll recover and someday look back and know it was for the best. In the meantime he'll take solace in liver and liquor.
Yours
the ever nurturing Lews

"It's OK Bruno, I'm sure she still likes you as a person. Maybe you can just be good friends."

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My very dear Lews and/or Mad,

Please assure Bruno that i find him perfectly charming. Although i am flattered by his affection, i regret that i am unable to return his feelings to the degree he so obviously deserves. i think of him more as a brother, a friend, someone to lean on in times of crisis. And he can have my share of all the liver, raw or cooked, but he does have to share the liquor.

Fondest regards,
rose

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

My very dear Lews and/or Mad,

Please assure Bruno that i find him perfectly charming. Although i am flattered by his affection, i regret that i am unable to return his feelings to the degree he so obviously deserves. i think of him more as a brother, a friend, someone to lean on in times of crisis. And he can have my share of all the liver, raw or cooked, but he does have to share the liquor.

Fondest regards,
rose

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Slurp!:11_2_102:


Bruno

Every now and again I like to go through some stories that I have read in the past. In doing so tonight I remembered Lien the Fifth, by Mad Lews. It is an unpleasant, violent and rough tangle of words that kept me chuckling, despite the fact that its author is a complete hack. Then I remembered a review of that story that pissed me off. That got me to re-examining the reviews. Then I found the review and I was pissed off all over again. As we all know, misery loves company. Well, so does irritation. So, without any more wasted words, here is the review:

"Sorry cowboy but a story must grip you from page one, unless you write a 200+ page book; which no one will read. like the logest story on this site: "Our First Female President by HarryBerg"
who has time to read 82 chapters ? A story should only be maximum 25-30 pages"

It wasn't even a review of one of my stories and I wanted to punch this bitch in the head. I still do.

Okay, I'm done.