Originally Posted by
cadence
I mean the ones who have not lived it, but want to explore it. Everything looks fine when you discuss or talk about it, but I think that living it would be a difficult transition. I've seen couples who seek out a third submissive to share in the relationship, only to have it fall apart when the third submissive has a difficult time adjusting.
It happens and it's not only the inexperienced ones either, I think you have to have a pretty good idea of what you want out of the relationship, the more people you add to the mix, the more it takes to make things work. That is my opinion though, I don't know about anyone else.
Anything new is hard really. A new job, trade, move to a new city, new Relationship, etc. Until you Learn it. What works, what doesn't, reach a comfort level etc. Living Poly can be as difficult transition as anything else. Or, not to sound arrogant or anything, it can be as simple as Communicating Openly Honestly, Negotiating Agreements, Loving and Living, and Committing to that/those Relationship(s).
Yes, there are pre-requistites. Like being compatible, having similar Goals, interests, and depending on what Style of Poly one is seeking. Or as you say "having a pretty good idea of what you want out of the Relationship(s)". My idea/experience, is What Each person Needs from the Relationship(s) is a key. Understanding that wants are negotiable, Needs really aren't. And getting together with others that have Needs and wants that will mesh together. Instead of conflict or clash. To have the best chance of success. This does require Everyone to be Honest and Upfront about themselves. If something major to someone, that is or would be a deal breaker, is discovered later, it's often still a deal breaker. And the end result Major Suck!
Yes, adding a 3rd person, new Submissive, a new Dominant, or even starting a new Relationship in any Style (even from the point of being single), CAN fall apart. And it can happen even with experienced Poly people. But I think the things I've already mentioned help safe guard against that. Honest Open Communication Always! And the Commitment to work things through Together!
It's also True that the more people you add to the mix, the more work to do. Everyone is different (even with a lot in common), and has their own feelings and thoughts. And Everyone's differences, feelings, and thoughts, have to be addressed, and worked with. Bottom line, that is just Love and Respect in a nutshell, for Each person. No harder than having a Family really.
I understand how you feel. I sometimes don't think people are always insincere, but I think they are still confused about what they want and still trying to explore the options available to them. Some if not most do have an agenda, but that's something you have to learn how to cope with in an online environment.
<nods> It's hard to cope with what isn't said, or is hidden. Or even lied about when asked directly. My thoughts are, Eventually it'll all come out, so why not just tell it to begin with? If we aren't compatible, or whatever, I'd rather Know now then later. Someone here said on a topic once "the more time you spend with those who aren't right for you, the more time you've lost spending with those who are", or something like that. It stuck with me, and I do believe it.
I also say it may be "cool" as many people can claim to be poly, yet not too many understand how any why someone would want that.
For a new submissive to state she is poly, puts her (I'm using a female for easy reference for me) status as unique and interesting. I would say a submissive would think she is standing out from the crowd. Again my own opinion.
That could be, I agree. Though again the Truth of that will come out sooner or later. Why delay the process? And why appeal to the kind of people you really don't want to be with? Makes no sense to me.
I know that when I saw a documentary on a BDSM Polyamory couple, I knew I wanted that type of relationship, however I hadn't grasped the concept of how it worked, and didn't realize the efforts involved to make it work.
To be honest, I still don't really know yet.
:) Ah my kinda girl. It takes Love, Trust, Respect, Compromise, and Honest Open Communication. Common Goals, Commitment. Not really as hard as it seems.
I would believe that the type of person you seek is out there, they are just a tad more difficult to find.
Yes as you said it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
<Nods> I believe they are out there too :)
I don't know all of the different types of Poly relationships, but I am the second submissive.
He is married to his first submissive and she comes first before I do.
We have taken this slow and have only divulged online for the time being, and I will be visiting shortly to see if everyone involved will be able to be compatible. If I choose to live closer I would not be living with them, but I would still be in a relationship with him.
Is she Poly also? She will "come first" all the time? If you move how far away would you be moving from where you are now? Do you know other people where He lives?
As of my own relationship right now, I have a b/f but I don't know if we are considered poly, he allows me to explore and he wants to find his own personal relationship without having them be poly.
Hard to say on that. The Relationship sounds Polyish :). If you move to M is b/f going? And b/f wants a Monogamous Partner also?
If I had the opportunity to live with another couple, I would love to be able to explore that, which is why I said I would be willing to do the work. I don't know if it is for me, but I do know that I it is something that I would definately love to be able to have.
