Adding Others to a pre-exisiting Relationship

[sidhewolf]

This is a really good question, sidhewolf. I only have a little bit of real-world experience, but here's my perspective:

Many, if not most, submissives seek the One. And want to be the only one for their One. I won't talk about the whys of it, there are plenty of threads here discussing monogamy vs. polyamory.

Finding someone who genuinely is not seeking that type of relationship is hard. And if they are, particularly if it's their first experience in poly, brings up all sorts of emotions and fears and concerns. As you know, open communication is critical.

[COLOR="Red"]Yes, I Know the Monogamy vs Polyamory dilemma's. And likely Wisdom on your part not to go into it, as you said pretty much, there's tons of threads on those things. Polyamory is a realization that there is more than One person for each person, amongst other things. And it's not really that hard to meet others/potential Partner(s) RT in local Communities. Unfortunantly, there are none close to us. So we've been searching online. And which so far doesn't seem to work out too well.

So True on the open communication, as well as the need for that to be Honest also.

And thinking on "The One" theory...each Relationship is unique (however intertwined) and important. For me, it's enough to have my own place with those I Love. I don't need the only place. Or really believe there is such a thing, however I know the majority do Live their Lives that way. I guess for some it's not?

I easily understand concerns others may have ie fears etc. But there is just one way I know of to win over these things, and that is to do the work to get where one wishes to be, and wants their Life to look like. And that does have to be done in an open honest way.

I guess for me, it's hard to understand why people who are Not interested in a Poly Style Relationship would be trying to get involved with Us to begin with? We are very open about the fact there is 2 of us here right now with Everybody. It seems to end up taking a lot of time and effort each and every time, only to end up where we started. And which woulda been so much easier on everyone if the newer person was Honest with us to begin with. A simple "I'm not interested in sharing" would suffice. Then everyone can move on.

There also seems to be an overall belief amonst most of the people we talk with, that something is missing here for us to be seeking others. All that is missing is others in our perspective. We want a bigger Intentional Family. Why is that so hard to understand? Why the need to feel something is lacking here in one or both of us?

My own experience? Milord and I are working our way into poly. It has it's ups and downs for sure. But we are separated by distance, and both want to feel free to see to our own needs and desires openly and honestly. In that spirit, He has recently begun a close relationship with another sub who lives closer to Him. She is a friend of mine, prior to the commencement of their closer relationship. I haven't yet found my comfort zone in the amount of information I need/want from the two of them about their relationship, so I am feeling my way in it. It does help, however, to know that He considers me His primary submissive and does not expect that to change. Just as He is my primary.

Sounds very positive and I am happy for You Both. Poly is not the easy road for sure. But in my way of thinking, it's the most realistic. As well as the most honest and happiest. I believe each person does need to be happy and fullfilled by their Lives. And it's my experience that Poly best provides those opportunities.

On my side of it, I have recently begun a relationship with a local Dom who has a poly family - a wife/slave and another slave. I am not and will not become his third slave, but am becoming his submissive. He is aware of my Dom, knows that I am committed to Him and am His first and foremost, and is happy to have me in his life as his submissive only. I have met his wife/slave - she cooked Thanksgiving dinner Friday evening for us and told him if he didn't get me over there she was going to be very unhappy! LOL That was strangely nice. I like eher - although I must admit it is strange to sit at table and share a meal with a Dom who will have his cock down my throat in an hour...and his wife. It's just not part of my normal experience until now. I'm finding I like it - the openness. The acceptance.

Exciting stuff! As for your 2nd Dom and your explanation of how things are, all I can really say is "As it should be"! <smiles>. The openess and acceptance is so much a part of what makes Poly work well. I'm glad also that you had such a great Thanksgiving.

I hope you find what you are seeking. It takes a special person to live an open, healthy poly lifestyle. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Thank you Jeanne. I hope so too. I just do wonder how others get through all the online things, and find Real People there?

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[Ozme52]

Thank you Jeanne. I hope so too. I just do wonder how others get through all the online things, and find Real People there?

Respectfully~SidheWolf

Perhaps nothing more than willingness to chance a meeting.

(Nice to see you back posting sidhewolf. )

[sidhewolf]

Perhaps nothing more than willingness to chance a meeting.

(Nice to see you back posting sidhewolf. )

Don't think it's that Ozme. You should Know "chancing a meeting" is not the thing lol. With online things, as in Real Time, there does have to be common ground to build from initially.

Online is so much harder in my way of seeing it. Meeting others in Real Time has been my primary experience, and seems much easier to work with. Though I did meet Master online initially. That was more of a "looks promising, let's meet and see how it goes". A more Realistic view than I am seeing with the people we've talked with? And here we are nearly 5 years later. But it wasn't just that simple or fast. It's taken Time to Learn and Grow and Build, lots of Work Effort, compromise, patience, understanding, and even at times Agreeing to DisAgree. And much much more. The bottom line is> You can't get there without the Work, AND Honest Open Communication.

Those are the things I see missing from our online Communcations with other(s) most of all. Firstly the Open Honest Communications. Sharing what ones agenda's are, ie what they are Truly seeking to begin with. A lack of establishing common goals. And then a lack of willingness to do the Work to achieve.

The "ah I'm attracted, let's call it Love (yah right)", and "well now I've decided I want one of you so the other must go", isn't working. It isn't what We want, nor what We are after. How or Why do We "chance a meeting" on that basis? Or that mindset? The old Divide & Conquer game that children play. What Wisdom is in inviting those in that want to destroy what one has carefully, timestakingly built? Unless one wishes to tear that down and start over from scratch. Which isn't Our point or desire of seeking out other(s). We wish to Add To, Not take from.

On my lack of posting lately (the last few months), Thank You Sir for the welcome back First I was extremely busy, then extremely ill (almost died), then a death in the Family, AND our internet provider sucks (signal problems they've been going to fix for a year now that have gotten much worse). Then without my income (while I was out of work for a month to sick to get out of bed) the crappy net provider shut us off for non-payment. Shoot, we didn't even Know that's what happened, our service is so crappy to begin with. BUT the bill is now paid, and they have promised Again, to fix their issues this next week We'll see!

Huggs Sir

Respectfully~SidheWolf