Childhood Sexual Abuse

[in2anything]

During my journey of self-discovery as a sub I've come to some new understandings of why I am the way I am. I would really like to talk to any subs/slaves who were molested or abused sexually as children to see if I'm alone in this or if others have come to the same conclusions.

Please contact me if this happend to you an you would be willing to discuss it with me.

[markus_valtion]

hello. i have had stuff hapen to me as well when i was younge and i'd love to talk about it. i hope i can be off help .

[moonlitsub]

I believe there have been many threads about this subject myself being verbally abused most my life I have a hard time with verbal humiliation but each person reacts differently to the same stress.
This is the most recent thread I remember.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=15730

[kaerose13]

i was sexually abused as a child as well. that must have played a huge part in me being a sub and such a sexual masochist. for me it's almost like, without the fear, or without the pain there is no feeling to sex--to be able to trust someone enough to not push that fear too far, to hurt but not injur is everything for me.

for me, i don't think that could have come from anywhere but my childhood trauma.

if you want to talk about it, pm me.

[daddiespet]

i was abused by my sperm donor(father) and cousin from birth to age 17, i have often wondered if it contributed to my subbiness.

[kaerose13]

sperm donor(father)

that's exactly how i think of mine, for the same reason.

[wonderworld]

MY OPINION ONLY!!

Ive read several theories on this. One that stuck with me (and helped me sleep better at night) is that certain people are wired as subs from birth. We are born like this. And thus, sadly, make easy targets as children and also adults. Thus explaining the possible higher rate of abuse. The traits that make us up- attention seeking, people pleasing, passive, etc, also make us easier prey from day 1. So.. we are not here necessarily because we were abused, we were chosen for abuse because of who (and how) we were.

We are not messed up, but unfortunately others in the world are.

Just my 2 cents. -WW

[HisButterflySlave]

MY OPINION ONLY!!

Ive read several theories on this. One that stuck with me (and helped me sleep better at night) is that certain people are wired as subs from birth. We are born like this. And thus, sadly, make easy targets as children and also adults. Thus explaining the possible higher rate of abuse. The traits that make us up- attention seeking, people pleasing, passive, etc, also make us easier prey from day 1. So.. we are not here necessarily because we were abused, we were chosen for abuse because of who (and how) we were.

We are not messed up, but unfortunately others in the world are.

Just my 2 cents. -WW

Thanks, that comment makes me feel a whole lot better. To know that quite possibly abuse in the past (whether it be childhood or not) has probably no impact on the way that we actually are. I was hoping to hear that from someone. Myself, I have been abused at 13. Though it is a situation that I do not wish to talk about, just had to make this comment for wonderworld.

[fetishdj]

We are sort of wired for this at birth but there is also a lot that goes on in life to guide us down certain pathways. Its the nature/nurture debate - every personality trait we have is partially built in to the genes (controlled by what hormones are released when and in what quantities as well as brain architecture and function) and partially due to 'stuff that happens to us as we grow up. The debate used to be which of these was true - genes or environment - but this naive and simplistic model has been replaced by a more subtle model where the argument is the extent to which each trait is determined by each stimulus.

What it largely means from a real world PoV is that it is possible to change your traits through influencing your own environment and taking control (or letting someone else you trust take control of you). So, some who have had events in thier childhood that include abuse can go one of two ways - they either become more dominant as they try to take control of their own life, sometimes in later life striking back at their abusers in some way in order to achieve closure, or they can become more submissive. The latter often 'take control' by finding someone they trust to control their lives and therefore find formal submission. Of course, there are also those who bock out the abuse and therefore may not be affected by it so much unless they are somehow reminded of it and others who may respond in a totally different way.

[markus_valtion]

What it largely means from a real world PoV is that it is possible to change your traits through influencing your own environment and taking control (or letting someone else you trust take control of you). So, some who have had events in thier childhood that include abuse can go one of two ways - they either become more dominant as they try to take control of their own life, sometimes in later life striking back at their abusers in some way in order to achieve closure, or they can become more submissive. The latter often 'take control' by finding someone they trust to control their lives and therefore find formal submission. Of course, there are also those who bock out the abuse and therefore may not be affected by it so much unless they are somehow reminded of it and others who may respond in a totally different way.

i agree with you. unfortunatly i was one of the once that blocked it out. usealy it doesnt bother me that much. but found my triggers the hard way. i got realy bad flash backs. and am still having them.

i do believe that people are wired from birth. at least i know i am. but that didnt have anything to do with why and how i was raped.
there are only 2 things it will do to you and that is it will either destroy you. or it will make you stronger.

i'm sorry if it sounds harsh but thats my opnion

[fetishdj]

A very Nietczian (yes, I know, I can't spell the names of foreign philosophers...) outlook. Extreme but often true.

[whisky44]

I am lucky enough not to have been abused as a child, but have always had submissive triggers from as far back as I can remember so I think your born wired that way. To add wieght to my view I was badly phisically abused by a boyfriend in my late teens which really messed me up for many years. However my pleasure from being dominated and humiliated sexually has remained the same before during and after - so my advise would be not to link the two events, your sexuality is YOUR own and should not be tainted by people whos unexceptable issues are THEIR own

[nyx]

I was molested as a child and was in an abusive relationship as a teenager, but I don't think that those events made me submissive. I had submissive tendencies from a very young age. I think that my submissive traits made me an easier target for abuse, not the other way around.
nyx

[kimmi]

I too was submissive as a child. I was the girl boys would get to show her panties. Boys would make me pee in front of them. When I was 12, I was molested by my moms bf. I don't know if he sensed my submissiveness, but I was unable to say no. In my case, I think submissiveness lead to molesting, not molesting leading to submissiveness

[bitchybitch56]

i was molested when i was younger also when i was younger, but also as far back as i could remember i guess i always had submissive tendincys when playing or hanging with friends, the only difference with when i was molested it wasnt just a "sex" thing he was actually in love with me and told me over and over he was gonna run away and take me. so im not sure, i get confused easly because what doesnt bother me one day may bother me another, i guess its just my state of mind, im willing to talk to someone about it if they wanna message me

[13'sbadkitty]

i was also abused sexually as a child and suffered from trauma issues much of my life. i have spent countless hours trying to figure out if this is why i am so submissive. i am not sure because i am 44 years old and have only had vanilla relationships till Him. i was often re-abused and finally went for dv counseling which taught me so much. He is the first man i chose to be with and the first man i have been safe with. its odd to me that W/we can engage in some of the things W/we do together and its good for me. W/we are 24/7 and engaged as well. i finally sleep at night with Him next to me after many years of not sleeping at all. He is the first who can get in and out of bed and i don't wake up. i bring all this up because i don't know if i was born like this or became like this or a combo. The abuse statistics are overwhelmingly high and many are not like this. i enjoy the way i live now and would hate to say that it is because i was abused like any other "symptom" i have from it.

[spicennice]

i was also abused sexually as a child and suffered from trauma issues much of my life. i have spent countless hours trying to figure out if this is why i am so submissive. i am not sure because i am 44 years old and have only had vanilla relationships till Him. i was often re-abused and finally went for dv counseling which taught me so much. He is the first man i chose to be with and the first man i have been safe with. its odd to me that W/we can engage in some of the things W/we do together and its good for me. W/we are 24/7 and engaged as well. i finally sleep at night with Him next to me after many years of not sleeping at all. He is the first who can get in and out of bed and i don't wake up. i bring all this up because i don't know if i was born like this or became like this or a combo. The abuse statistics are overwhelmingly high and many are not like this. i enjoy the way i live now and would hate to say that it is because i was abused like any other "symptom" i have from it.

Perhaps you just have a deeper knowledge of what safe isn't than most and can truly appreciate what safe actually is. Because you know how bad it can be you hold onto this safe power dynamic as if it were a life jacket. Not a bad thing. You deserve safe. Enjoy.

[foreverchained]

i was abused as a child by 3 different men. it caused a lot of problems for me when i started trying to accept the sub side of me, and especially when i had to explain to Him. i didn't want him thinking that i had enjoyed the abuse and wanted a 'replay'.

i accept who i am now. there is a huge difference between some one using you against your will, and gladly handing over control and allowing yourself to be controled.

i hope that made sense!

[IAN 2411]

I was abused as a child by 3 different men. it caused a lot of problems for me when i started trying to accept the sub side of me, and especially when i had to explain to Him. i didn't want him thinking that i had enjoyed the abuse and wanted a 'replay'.

i accept who i am now. there is a huge difference between some one using you against your will, and gladly handing over control and allowing yourself to be controled.

i hope that made sense!

You made perfect sense. I have said this before in another thread, being abused is not a reoccurring illness, as it is only a ghost in your memory. Just because you have submissive tendencies, might have nothing to do with what took place with the three men and you so long ago. You might only need the comfort of protection, along with what your natural need might be, [submissiveness], all people have a need whether they are Dom, sub or vanilla. There is a lot of difference between being abused and controlled against your will as a child, than real life compassionate submission and control between two consenting adults; the latter I believe is life in the community.

Regards ian 2411

[TimelessMoments]

I too was molested as a child and I wonder at times if that is why sexually the way that I am. I get turned on being tied up, whipped, etc. Would love to talk about it more with anyone who might understand.
Thanks..

[Darkness_within]

Many I have talked to, or had in RL where used by thier dad, or bothers, or other family member, although I tell my self not to think this way, but I find my self thinking all subs or slaves were used by some one in the family at a very young age,, I do know this is not true, still, all I have talked to, or owned had, I see this as one way for a female or male for that matter, find them selves needing to be used in order to live,,,

[lisasub]

I was sexually abused for years during my childhood but, unlike a lot of you, I started off fighting it, resisting, and was an assertive kid in many ways. I used to stand up for my older sister to my parents when I thought they were treating her poorly. I got broken down by years of abuse by my psychopath brother.

So, I don't know if there's a connection between abuse and submissiveness, but if there is, I think that's my story.

[openyoureyes]

I was never sexually abused, though I do have several family members and friends who were (and have talked in depth about it with me) and I don't think it really has a bearing on whether one is submissive or not, but more that it effects how you feel about your tendencies. But each person's experience is going to be unique to them, for some it may shape how they act/react, but for others it won't have any effect at all on their behavior/demeanor.

I do think a lot of us are simply born the way we are, but I also think our environment shapes so much of how we act and behave, regardless of what our initial nature might be.

[lisasub]

[QUOTE=lisasub;872371]but, unlike a lot of you, I started off fighting it, resisting, and was an assertive kid in many ways.

And, just to be clear, I don't mean that a lot of you didn't resist - I think all kids resist abuse in their own ways. What I meant was, most people would have assumed I was assertive by my other actions.

I hope that's clear and I hope I didn't offend anyone.

[sexyredhead]

I don't know if the abuse makes us comfortable in this lifestyle or that our sub traits make us easier prey as children. All I know is I am new to this and in the process of training with my Master I had recollections of abuse I had apparantly blocked out. Now I am wary about going into subspace because it seems when my defenses are down, my emotions about this abuse flow to the surface. Master was extremely caring and supportive of what I am going through and for that I feel grateful and lucky. But these revelations make me question if I should be going into this life with unresolved, newly-discovered abuse issues surfacing.

[pandora2010]

In reading this thread I find myself glad that their are others here that may understand. Please do not take offence, I'm not glad that anyone ever goes through any type of abuse, but I am glad that I am not alone.

I'm new to the BDSM scene but I have always enjoyed stories that had elements of BDSM in them. At first I thought it was because of what happened to me, but later I realised that I was looking for those elements before I remembered what had happened. I have to agree with those that say we made easier targets because we are wired a certain way.

Also, to sexyredhead, I do not know what you will choose to do, and I am sorry that those memories came that way. What I will sugest is that while you do want to face and work through the memories; if you decide to continue with your discovery in BDSM at this time as well I think you and your Master should consider diffrent levels of safewords and signals if you start getting uncomfortable or if flashbacks are starting to surface. I know some flashbacks give no warning, while some, at least of mine, do and maybe that will help. I hope I do not offened anyone here by saying this.

Take care,
Pandora

[southern belle]

I have a vague memory of someone molesting me when i was very young but my sense is that it was an isolated event. I spent several years in therapy brought there by other issues and not sexual abuse. I think i was born with a submissive nature and it may have been enhanced not so much by that molestation i only vaguely remember but moreso by the relationship with my father. My father never sexually abused me (at least not that i recall) but he NEVER showed any affection to me and in fact i can never remember him being affectionate towards my mother even. I loved him so much when i was young and craved his love and affection but he was verbally abusive and constantly said shaming and belittling things to me. He was also quick to get out a belt and stripe my legs with it when i stepped out of line. I can look back and see where i would do things to get in trouble with him because that was the only way to get his attention. So i guess what i'm trying to say (rather longwindedly) is i think we are born either dominant or submissive tendencies but certain life experiences can either surpress our natural leanings or exacerbate them. Hope that makes sense.

[Lateques]

After reading this thread, it's provided me with a little insight into something I was previously ignorant of. I wonder in a way if being submissive after suffering abuse is some form of coping mechanism. An experiencing of 'abuse' in a controlled way, effectively flipping the nature of abuse. Do understand, I'm excusing nothing from abuse, just wondering about the nature of what is done after the abuse has (hopefully) stopped. A friend of mine claims that 1 in 4 women are raped and/or sexually abused, and many of them drift into BDSM because of the psychological trauma caused by it. I'd hate to think that this is the reason for such behavior. I think that it's overstating the case, but it may be more common than I thought.

Conversely, I wonder further from the other side of the coin now on whether those who did the abusing naturally progress to the dominant aspects? I find this a rather disturbing correlation myself. For the record, I have never been abused or abused someone to my knowledge and therefore don't know if there is a direct causation for our desires for bdsm or fetish. I would like to think that I freely chose what I enjoy and am not a result of something aberrant or psychologically 'wrong'.

[skittish doe]

I wonder in a way if being submissive after suffering abuse is some form of coping mechanism. An experiencing of 'abuse' in a controlled way, effectively flipping the nature of abuse.

I would agree that some would find this a good way to deal with the past, yes. I also know that not all subs have been abused. I agree with others above, as well as southern belle: Some of us were born with the natural inclination to be submissive. Life circumstances sometimes encourage or discourage that tendency. We are all products of BOTH nature and nurture. Various happenings (nurture) sprinkled onto various bases (individual people) result in an infinite variety of personalities. That is what makes people so very interesting.

[brwneydgirl]

Conversely, I wonder further from the other side of the coin now on whether those who did the abusing naturally progress to the dominant aspects?

I don't believe this to be the case, generally. Of course, others could argue the opposite point but in general, I don't believe that "abusers" are dominant as a rule....any more than their victims are always submissive.

Is it coincidence that there seem to be quite a few of the BDSM population who have been abused at some point in their lives? Maybe. Gather any large group of people from various backgrounds and there are bound to be a fair number with some type of abuse in their history.