What's fair when pushing limits?

[damyanti]

More important than the discussions of the limits themselves, are the discussions behind why the limits are just that, "limits." That gives both parties a much better understanding of what can and should be pushed and what should remain an absolute no-no.

As the depths of "why" are examined, I think most folks find a definite split between what they don't want to do and what they don't think they can do. For example, I have a VERY VERY VERY hard time verbalizing my submission - being asked to call J "Master" or to beg for something I want locks me up completely. I will take a beating till I bleed easier than being told to speak when I'm in a session. Why? Because to make my body vulnerable is easier than to uncover my thoughts. A couple years ago I would have said, "I would never call anyone 'Master!' I won't do that!" and I would have meant it.

But...did I want to? Sure, in the deep dark secret places inside of me I sure did, just didn't think I could. When I read Sir Russell's account of his time with his girl, I read it as him guiding her through things she didn't think she could do, which I'm fine with. That's part of a Dom's job, to make the uncomfortable safe.

Now, if I had a hard limit such as "no knife play," and I were asked "why?" I could provide an answer such as "because I don't want scarring." OK, concrete "no" with a concrete reason. That being the case, if my Dom were to cut me during play we would have a most definite issue.

Clear as mud? lol

Hope that helps a little.

It does,...a little, . Seriously though, most of the time what helps the most is knowing you are not the only one.

Thank you,
D.