What's fair when pushing limits?

[Euryleia]

I think that there is a definite difference between a hard limit (no, not ever, not under any circumstances) and a soft limit. A lot of soft limits are things that haven't been tried before as opposed to something not liked or something you are willing to do because your partner likes it.

That being said, without open communication between partners, you're not going to know which button is being pressed. You have to know yourself and what your lines are. You also have to trust your partner to only push the soft limits and to listen to your words and your body.

Be aware that a person who initially consents to sexual conduct is not deemed to have consented to any sexual conduct that occurs after s/he withdraws consent. In other words, if at anytime you or your partner safe words out and says “No,” stop immediately.

[Ragoczy]

That being said, without open communication between partners, you're not going to know which button is being pressed. You have to know yourself and what your lines are. You also have to trust your partner to only push the soft limits and to listen to your words and your body.

As with so much else in this lifestyle, communication is key here. My kitten communicates these well, there are hard-limits and in-the-right-frame-of-mind-limits.