I've been sitting here thinking about your predicament for the last day or so and a question keeps popping up in my head ... Is your boyfriend Domineering (which believe me is a completly different thing that Dominant)? You had something about "If he does do it, then it is just so that he feels in control for once." That statement is very flippant and full of guilt it also stinks of emotional manipulation. Is it possible that your boyfriend is rather controling ... just not in the right way ... in an abusive way? It doesn't have to be blantant for it to screw with your head sweetie. I could be TOTALLLYYY off base here. Many many submissive women end up in relationships with men who are domineering rather than dominant because thier submissive self is sub-conciously looking for someone.

This all just came to me as I was thinking about your situation and if there was anything from my situation that I could pull from to help give you advice about and I couldn't pull from my marriage at all ... but it did make me think of the relationship that I had before I met my husband.

This man was great in many many ways and I was with him for 2 years before I broke it off ... even back then I had some submissive traits ( I just didn't know that's what they were and would feel horribly guilty about them)... I would defer to him for many decisions and always put his needs above mine ... and He liked BORING sex ... which I put up with but it left me wanting. What I realize now is that this man was really manipulative and it was ALWAYS about his needs and never about mine. I was there soely to satisfy him in everyway possible. Submissives NEED to have thier needs met or they are usually left depressed.

My husband is a different story ... granted we've had a rough go of it and it's been a slow process with us ... but there are reasons for that (he was extreamly abused as a kid as was I and he's got to get over those insecurities about that). Also, He's been WILLING to explore this with me ... sometimes He's not always as passionate as I'd like him to be about a certain something ... but we are both just learning what works for both us. I also know that my husband was one of those rare men who does have a Dominant spark in him ... he just needs to work it out.

Sorry this is so long ... really really sorry ... just thought I needed to say it.