What IS T.F.T.B.?

[Ultraprene]

The acceptability of any action really depends on the relationship between the participants. Some Dominants are more willing ot take advice from the sub. I suspect TFTB is more acceptable in a pro session where the sub is paying for the experience and therefore has some right to call the shots.

[gloombunny]

A code phrase popular among people who can't stand the idea that someone else isn't doing BDSM the same way as them.

[somewriter]

A code phrase popular among people who can't stand the idea that someone else isn't doing BDSM the same way as them.

Very accurate, I think. I would say that TFTB simply means that the sub is in control of what is going on, guiding events (either by planning beforehand or during the events).

The fact is, a lot of people who like some aspects of BDSM (and I don't think you have to like all of it to fall under the umbrella) will end up with a partner who is happy to participate while not being a big fan themselves. There's no shame in that - just the way life works out. So if I was a submissive and ended up with a partner who was happy to play dom but did not know what to do, I'd definitely be TFTB to begin with, and maybe even forever after. It would still be BDSM I think, just that the D/S aspect would be a little odd. Nothing wrong with being a little odd though :-)

But maybe I have a different idea to what BDSM encompasses than others:

...is more interested in getting her rocks off for enjoyment rather then serving or being pleasing for her Master...
I personally would call it kink not D/s and definatly not BDSM.

When I'm submissive, I enjoy being tied up, told what to do, maybe spanked in the process, having sex and getting pleasure out of all of it. I do it because I enjoy it, and ideally (but realistically, not necessarily) because my partner enjoys it. Do I therefore not fall into the BDSM category? Because: bondage, submission and masochism would seem to me to be BDSM.