None of the poll options on this suit me. My feeling is that there is a definite line between two people learning eachother, through discussion, suggestion, request, both during, before or after a scene: and a sub telling their D to do something. There is a slightly more difficult line where the sub might take the initiative. Is it wrong for a sub to initiate sex, to go down on a partner as a surprise gift (for example first thing in the morning when they're still a bit asleep with a nice mouthful of hot tea, just a thought, hmmm)? Is it wrong for a sub to show sudden passion, to grab or bite or leap on their partner at a random moment, say when in the middle of cooking etc.? Or isn't this just normal human relationship, which has to be wound in with the d/s one? How much of an element of fun, teasing, baiting, beguiling etc. is allowed from a sub, before it becomes 'too much' and they are leading? Probably just a balance that has to be worked out for each couple (or trio or whatever).