musings

[Rhabbi]

I think Master is much better at patience than I am.

Offline life is busy for us both, so we wait. And we look at this "something new" each day, and hold it in our hand and look at it from all sides, set it down and can't help to come back to it. We have to pick it up every time we see it, in case we missed something. And our minds wander to it until we can pick it up again. And maybe it looks the same, but we know that there's more to see. And we just look forward to when we can look at it together, because then we can find out from the other what they see...did they see the same? What did they feel? What did we do while our thoughts wandered to it and is it different now that we've come back to sit down and look at it and talk about it again?

just some musings...

The most amazing thing about htis woman is that she does not see who she is.

[Mishka]

congratulations Mishka, and it's true lots of things can happen in two or three weeks. I understand you're still longing for spankings though...

Did you mean in Reasons for a Spanking? "because I'm still not getting it"?

While the idea of getting spankings is appealing in a pleasurable scenario, I was actually referring to me not understanding something, not "getting" it.

I was being a bit thickheaded but I understand better now. The discipline he ultimately gave (not spankings) did me a world of good. It had to do with trust, and obeying without so many questions (beyond clarification) beforehand. To be secure in what he says and asks. That's the short version of the lesson.

Thanks always for encouraging words.

[Mishka]

Just musing over trust lately. Just the diving in and my irrational imagination. (it's not the first time...I have a paranoid, dark, morbid side to me) But it's hard to give and must be handled very gently.

It's so much more than physical attraction, wild emotions or vivid imagination. The subjection mentally cannot be carelessly handled. (And you haven't been careless at all, Sir. This is simply my stream of consciousness...such as it is at 12:30 in the morning.)

If it's time to let go, just dropping it, letting it break, that's (adjective fails me here) painful. It's not just the emotions, not just the heart. Submitting at this level, you are handling someone's mind that they put willingly in your care. Putting it down has to be slow and gentle. Like a chrystal glass. The heart will heal. It is soft and can be torn, but can mend, though you can often see the mark for a long time. The mind that let it be controlled...that trust... that's shattering. It takes longer to put the pieces back together.

As time goes by, week by week, a little more trust is handed over...more control...more vulnerability. With a worthy Dom, it can be the most freeing, relieving experience. I wonder what a Dom's feelings are like, when it's put in their care?

Perhaps my musings are far from other's wealth of knowledge and understanding, but just thinking it through...to wherever it goes.

[Rhabbi]

Just musing over trust lately. Just the diving in and my irrational imagination. (it's not the first time...I have a paranoid, dark, morbid side to me) But it's hard to give and must be handled very gently.

It's so much more than physical attraction, wild emotions or vivid imagination. The subjection mentally cannot be carelessly handled. (And you haven't been careless at all, Sir. This is simply my stream of consciousness...such as it is at 12:30 in the morning.)

If it's time to let go, just dropping it, letting it break, that's (adjective fails me here) painful. It's not just the emotions, not just the heart. Submitting at this level, you are handling someone's mind that they put willingly in your care. Putting it down has to be slow and gentle. Like a chrystal glass. The heart will heal. It is soft and can be torn, but can mend, though you can often see the mark for a long time. The mind that let it be controlled...that trust... that's shattering. It takes longer to put the pieces back together.

As time goes by, week by week, a little more trust is handed over...more control...more vulnerability. With a worthy Dom, it can be the most freeing, relieving experience. I wonder what a Dom's feelings are like, when it's put in their care?

Perhaps my musings are far from other's wealth of knowledge and understanding, but just thinking it through...to wherever it goes.

kitten,

As a Dom the most sacred trust I have is to keep you safe, and that includes from anything that I might do. I am an imperfect human and thus capable of making msjudgements and mistakes.

I want to commend you on your trust and the understanding of what it means. trust is something you must give, just as I have given mine to you. I think you have an idea of just how much you can hurt me if you ever choose to do so. In actuallity, your danger is much lees than mine. Not that I am belittling the level of trust you have placed in me, nor am I asking for more than you are ready to give.

I saaid before that having a sub is intoxiacating, and I still stand by that assessment. As a Dom the level of trust that is given me frees me to accomplish so many other things, it actually allows me to accept things that would otherwise be impossible to take because I know that I am worthy of true trust from a wonderful woman.

Day by day my love for you grows, and although it will never reach the culmination that W/we see in O/our other relationships, W/we continue to grow stronger as individuals and as a U/unit.

My kitten, I thank you.

[Rhabbi]

Well kitten, here I am making my post 1000 and wondering what to say to make it a special occasion. I am sad that we will not be able to chat today because it seems that YIM does not want to cooperate today. Maybe I can get it fixed after this.

I want you to know, again, how proud I am of you. I know that you still think you need to work on some things, and that those outweigh the things you are doing right, but it is not that simple. You do need to accomplish more, but the progress you have made in the past couple of weeks allows me to know that one day you will be the best sub I have ever had the pleasure to train.

Keep up the good work, the past, has it really been less than two months, has been a delight.

[Mishka]

For me as well. I'm honored to have you as my Master and friend, and can't think of anywhere else that I could learn so much that would be safer or more fulfilling. Words fail me, I'd rather show you.

[Mishka]

I miss you on the weekends, Sir. Is that too sappy to say in public?

You've often left me tongue-tied and speechless; but lately especially. I'm referring to our writings. I'm sorry you have had to wait so long for it. I thought a public apology would be appropriate. You deserve the respectful consideration.

ETA: Two hours later and it seems so short what I've given you. I hope you enjoy it. If you like, I can continue it from there.

[Rhabbi]

kitten, you could never be to sappy for me, I am the king of sap. You are a treasure to me, and if I thought an apology was necessary I would have asked for one. Makes me wonder if this falls into the category of forbidden activities.

Just teasing, but you are pushing the line.

[Mishka]

1002 just for you.

[Rhabbi]

1002 just for you.

Congratulations an breaking 1000.

[Rhabbi]

Just to let anyone who might be interested know, Mishka has been restricted and will not be back for at least a week, except to perform her tasks as greeter.

[tessa]

Just to let anyone who might be interested know, Mishka has been restricted and will not be back for at least a week, except to perform her tasks as greeter.

Crap!

[Mishka]

Thank you for being disappointed in my absence Tessa.

Master has kindly altered the punishment. I am back on the forums, but the substitute is much more offline challenging. In fact harder but healthier for me in the long run. I know that makes no sense to anyone not privy to our conversations.

You know...I had something else to talk about that I've been chewing on lately and now it's completely out of my head. Nothing new.

So my blonde-bombshell-bodacious-friend...what have I been missing around here?

[Rhabbi]

Welcome back kitten. I know I missed you charming presence here also. I am also gald that you recognize that my punishments for you are in your best interests. It gives me hope that you will get better.

[tessa]

Thank you for being disappointed in my absence Tessa.

Master has kindly altered the punishment. I am back on the forums, but the substitute is much more offline challenging. In fact harder but healthier for me in the long run. I know that makes no sense to anyone not privy to our conversations.

You know...I had something else to talk about that I've been chewing on lately and now it's completely out of my head. Nothing new.

So my blonde-bombshell-bodacious-friend...what have I been missing around here?

I hope you remember what it is you wanted to discuss. I know how frustrating that is. Makes you want to kick something. But if you do, then that really hurts and then you're more pissed off than before and you still haven't remembered what it is you forgot. ~sighs~

If that blonde chick doesn't fill you in, I will, okay?

~hugs~

[Mishka]

Just musing over symbols right now. From a conversation with Master and the thread on collaring, I'm working out the importance in my mind.

I really wasn't thinking, worried, pondering or even that curious about symbols not when I started searching in the lifestyle, and not when Rhabbi and I met. (3 1/2 months just flew by, once again I can say that I feel I've been on this journey with You, Master, for much longer)

My desire to be closer to Him and find as many ways possible to express that has become much more important. Especially lately, my emotions have been overwhelming...again. Certainly I write and "speak" to Him differently, I follow His tasks, I have images in my head that won't go away. I wear earrings now. I hadn't in a long time, I just didn't think about it. It's the smallest thing, but when I do, I think of Him, just because He told me to.

[tessa]

~hugs Mishka tightly~

Every word you wrote, I felt.

~hugs again~

[Rhabbi]

Mishka,

What can I say? You have captured my heart, my thoughts, and my life. If I had known it was going to be this intense, I would have not have said yes so fast, but i am happy I did.

Rhabbi

[Mishka]

If I had known it was going to be this intense, I would have not have said yes so fast, but i am happy I did.

i'm glad i'm not scaring You off, nor You me. Weren't we just "trying something new"? Mental control alone became too intoxicating to not resist moving forward.

[Rhabbi]

I remeber, I would have held out out of sheer will power, but you were pretty clear that you wanted more. Thank you for doing that.

[Mishka]

You make it sound like it was all my idea.

From our initial conversations back in early February:

I have found that I do not enjoy porno, phone, or cyber sex. Have no idea about cyber BDSM, as for me BDSM is more about the respect than the sex, though that is pretty important too, I am willing to explore it.

Peace. I am not saying that I expect you to be my cyber slave. What I expect from you is friendship and guidance in this new, to me, world.

First though, I am curious about something, what did I say that led you to the topic of an online relationship without cybering? Not that it sounds like a bad idea, I just did not realize I had it, or is this your sub way of introducing something and letting me think it is my idea? Not necessary with me, by the way.

Emphasis mine. It was your idea, Sir. That's where You were to start, i just had the desire to submit to Your needs. What can i say...You're irrisistable.




In my mind it looks a bit like i'm facing You and we're holding hands. You're walking forwards and i'm walking backwards. Going with You, being guided towards something i cannot see and am uncertain of. i have to trust where You lead, though i am the one in front. my "leading" is willingness to be pushed more, showing You my willingness to go further. i don't yank You and You don't shove. i just keep looking into Your eyes and walk where i cannot see, trusting You for where we're going and wanting to go there in the first place.

[Mishka]

After a pleasant trip down memory lane and definitions clarified (ahem lol) it was so mutual it's difficult to show who's signature is first on the contract here.

i think i was most floored tonight to learn of His trust of me. It makes it that much more important to not disappoint. As a sub my general personality is to please. To meet someone kind and firm and begin this road down taking and giving control is an increased desire to please. As trust grows, expectations grow, another increase in desire to please. To know i am trusted to this extent has reached a level of desire to not break that trust that is over the top for me. Handle with care.

I think this means so much to me not just because of what it is, but because of what it isn't. It is not the deceit and distrust that lives in my off line life.

[Rhabbi]

Welcome to the real world.

[Mishka]

Just musing...I don't want it to sound like a soap box or more of a deal than I mean it.

Terms: "real life" (rl) "real time" (rt)

What does "real" mean?
Well Webster...
1. of or relating to fixed, permanent, or immovable things
2. not artifical, fraudulent, illusory
occurring in fact
having objective independent existence

I use "offline". It defines my reality. I have an existence with my Master that is very much real. It is not artifical, fraudulent or illusory. It is occurring in fact. It is "real life" because He is very much a part of my life and my everyday thoughts and responsibilities. It is "real time" because as I speak with Him the clock moves forward. Time doesn't stand still for us. I have to stop our conversations to attend to other responsibilities. Not "real" responsibilities. Responsibilities in addition to what I need and desire to do with Him.

I wish I could touch Him. He is physically "real" to me, not a figment of my imagination. I have seen His picture, He has "real" skin and "real" eyes and He isn't less real because I haven't been there to look into His eyes yet or touch His skin.

It's such a small thing. It's the little things that make U/us work. That and big hearts.

[tessa]

I have issues with that word as well..."real".

I use the phrase "face to face" instead of rl/rt. Just makes more sense to me as online is, as I've said before, very much real. Sometimes too much...

~hugs for the quite real Mishka~

tessa

[MajesticFae]

I don't really like the r/l or r/t words either, but I use them because most people understand the connotations behind them. Online is real to me and you guys are all my friends, we just don't hang out face to face, or offline.

I like both of y'alls terms better, Mishka and tessa. I think I'll start using them. *smiles*

Oh and you and Rhabbi are really really sappy... but it's really cute.

[Rhabbi]

Just musing...I don't want it to sound like a soap box or more of a deal than I mean it.

Terms: "real life" (rl) "real time" (rt)

What does "real" mean?
Well Webster...
1. of or relating to fixed, permanent, or immovable things
2. not artifical, fraudulent, illusory
occurring in fact
having objective independent existence

I use "offline". It defines my reality. I have an existence with my Master that is very much real. It is not artifical, fraudulent or illusory. It is occurring in fact. It is "real life" because He is very much a part of my life and my everyday thoughts and responsibilities. It is "real time" because as I speak with Him the clock moves forward. Time doesn't stand still for us. I have to stop our conversations to attend to other responsibilities. Not "real" responsibilities. Responsibilities in addition to what I need and desire to do with Him.

I wish I could touch Him. He is physically "real" to me, not a figment of my imagination. I have seen His picture, He has "real" skin and "real" eyes and He isn't less real because I haven't been there to look into His eyes yet or touch His skin.

It's such a small thing. It's the little things that make U/us work. That and big hearts.

This is so profound, to think a woman as wise as you fell for me.

[Mishka]

Oh and you and Rhabbi are really really sappy... but it's really cute.

Shnooky-lumps-Puddin' Pie and I are not at all sappy.

[tessa]

Shnooky-lumps-Puddin' Pie and I are not at all sappy.

Ok, that made me laugh so hard, I spit some of my drink of water out.

Mishka-lish, warn a girl when you're gonna be that hysterical.

~huggles~
tessa

[MajesticFae]

*wonders if Rhabbi knows what Mishka calls him behind his back*