Really interesting topic.
It is about half an decade ago now that I was beaten nearly to death by 5 teenagers who saw how I looked at a hairy, big man in the change room of a public swimming bath, and maybe a little cock growth too.
They followed me after I left the swimming bath and forced me to get naked and then they have beaten me up very hardly. Was half a year in hospital after that with many brocken bones, damaged testicles. lung and spleen and internal bleedings and so on. They also pissed on me and stuff. If a afraid neighboor who have seen it had not called the police they would have done the "bite in the road kerb and I kick you in the nick" thing seen in American History X, but they came just in time.
I thanked God for letting that man see that and I hated God for not making that man curagous enough for stepping out and help me, but not anymore. Maybe it would have gotten worse if he stepped out as one of the guys had a knife with him. I guess the man would not have been able to stop them, he was about 60 years old I guess. Anyway, thats beside the point.

For a year after that I was very sad all the time and I just was not able to understand why they hated me so much and why they nearly ended my life. Then came the time where I was depressed because I couldnt sleep anymore, and when I had sexuel feelings I felt dirty and guilty. I becamse very shy, aggressiv and had not many friends and not a single real friend. I also had suicide plans but then my brother committed suicide. He did that because of our really damaged family, which he could not live with and because our mother died on cancer 2 months ago. (Yeah, it was a pretty fucked up time).
I became really really sad for a long time and hated me brother what he has done (Now I think "wow, how could you be soo selfish". But then I saw a fantasy movie and one dialogue really threw me away, that changed my life:

""I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.""
"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world,besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring, in which case you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."

I cried for hours and days after that. I was very sad and very happy at the same time, I cried about what I lost and about what I got. The good things and the bad. I cried because I knew that without my brothers suicide I would just be a shadow of what I now was. My emotions were to complex to write down in a foreign language, I am sorry. From that minute my live changed completely.
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." I decided to live MY live no matter what other things had burdened on me. I will look like how I want to look like, I will do what I want to do. Since then I have made really good friends, experienced the most wonderfullest thing imaginable, living and enjoying my life with no regret when looking back. I have no feelings of hate or anger when thinking about my brother or those teenagers or about anyone else in my life. I also have never dreamt about that beating since watching the film but two times. Before that was almost every night the only dream I could remember off.

Lol I just realized that this post has nothing to do with the thread so back to topic: I can NOT remember any desire to be dommed or what you would like to call it. But since then I want it badly and what is important: I feel NO remorse AT ALL about that. That has become a part of me which I am gladly willing to accept and I am glad that I was a long time in a relationship with a man who was glad and happy to do just THAT to me, someone who fulfills his desire by fulfilling mine. Could there be a greater relationsheep between to people?
There is very important difference in getting abused by foreign people (not your decision) and getting abused by your dom (your own decision.)

Well thats, it pew. I cannot believe that I just wrote that down. Nobody knows all about that, nobody. But I guess I will feel good after I press that "Submit Reply" button, *sigh*