I absolutly agree with Rhabbi here. I have been abused when I was 2 years old (and I do not remember that event... but have the consequenses tho) and as a result vulnarable and scared off easily. After some kids picked that up at school I was teased (and not just kids stuff, but heavily teased) until I was 15 years old. At that age my walls of self defence were zero and I was happy with any attention I could get...good or bad. So when I got my first bf I said no but didn't act upon it. After some relationships something snapped and I had no emotions whatshowever about anything anymore. I was the abuser and used men just to dump them afterwards. My sex life got more and more extreme because I just wanted to feel something. Well at 17 I ran into the wrong Dom and eventho I promised myself not to do anything against my will anymore I did it anyway. And that's even worse...

Now it's an outlet, yes I am still extreme, but it's in control. It gives me a powerful feeling that even when it *looks* like abuse to others I can stop it any time I want to. And that's something that I was looking for all my life. I want to be able to stop it, and enjoy the pain, embarressment, love and lust and when I can't handle it simply stop it...