musings

[Mishka]

Yes, i will take a picture for Y/you. Once I finish reading the instructions for the camera and my poison ivy clears up. It's mostly gone, some dry, red patches. But I didn't shave my legs while I had it...and the gorilla look doesn't look good on me. (my daily collar is a silver anklet)

Today I learned a valuable lesson. I can try so hard to not make the same mistakes as a sub that I have in the past that I end up going too far in the other direction. Balance isn't as easy as it looks, especially when it's such simple advice. Communication is such an obvious lesson, I learned it the hard way, but knowing how to communicate is just as important. It's all in the delivery.

[Rhabbi]

All too true my love.

[Noontide]

mishka and Wolfscout, it's so rare to find the kind of comfortable togetherness that you two seem to have found. the fulfillment and the trust!!

you know since joining the forum, i have been reading about online relationships. there are ads, people sharing about what they get out of it. it seems so alien to me. i was touched by your sharing and others as well, but when i tried to see if i could feel the same, it felt.... blank i guess is the word that describes it.

i've had online friends before, but never a relationship. not for lack of oppurtunity, but simply a lack of a response for me. maybe it just wasn't the right people....

i keep hoping that the "right person" that i have in my life somehow magically discovers a subtle ignored desire to dominate and we find a whole new level in our relationship!! sometimes though i just feel hopeless and wonder why i'm even trying to find out more about this aspect of me.... feel like suppressing it and just spending all my energy on 10000 other projects!!

then i remind myself, this is me, my life, my desires, needs, fulfillment and at the very least i owe myself to find out more.

but sometimes i curse myself for just driving myself crazy with all the questions, the uncertainity ....

i think i'm more confused than i was when i joined!!

[Noontide]

i think i posted the above too early into readin this thread. i did not realise about mishka and Rhabbi.... congratulations to both of you.... hope your journey brings fulfillment ot both of you...

[Rhabbi]

i think i posted the above too early into readin this thread. i did not realise about mishka and Rhabbi.... congratulations to both of you.... hope your journey brings fulfillment ot both of you...

It is fine Noontide, we are forgiving.

[Mishka]

i think i posted the above too early into readin this thread.

Don't worry about it. It just goes to show that sometimes relationships work out and sometimes they don't whether online or off. I could have put my experiences with Rhabbi in a whole other thread, but I really did want to see what I had been learning along the way.

mishka and Wolfscout, it's so rare to find the kind of comfortable togetherness that you two seem to have found. the fulfillment and the trust!!

you know since joining the forum, i have been reading about online relationships. there are ads, people sharing about what they get out of it. it seems so alien to me. i was touched by your sharing and others as well, but when i tried to see if i could feel the same, it felt.... blank i guess is the word that describes it.

i've had online friends before, but never a relationship. not for lack of oppurtunity, but simply a lack of a response for me. maybe it just wasn't the right people....

i keep hoping that the "right person" that i have in my life somehow magically discovers a subtle ignored desire to dominate and we find a whole new level in our relationship!! sometimes though i just feel hopeless and wonder why i'm even trying to find out more about this aspect of me.... feel like suppressing it and just spending all my energy on 10000 other projects!!

then i remind myself, this is me, my life, my desires, needs, fulfillment and at the very least i owe myself to find out more.

but sometimes i curse myself for just driving myself crazy with all the questions, the uncertainity ....

i think i'm more confused than i was when i joined!!

I never thought I'd like an online relationship, apart from a casual friendship, either. But I started emailing a friend, then our conversations turned to more flirting, we talked about relationships, intimacy, etc etc, and became closer. It worked out very naturally. Not forced. That's the important part. It lasted quite a while and when other parts of our offline life called for our attention, we ended up staying friends instead.

Some don't work romantically, but friendship is just as true online as off. Perhaps that can be a sticking point. It's not "real". There's a lot of trust involved when you can't see the other side of the monitor for sure. I can assure you, it is very real. The love, kindness, anger and hurt are very much felt...that makes the relationships real.

Online is the only place I was able to truly look at my desires being a sub. It makes me feel safe being a sub. It is ok to learn and explore and taste and touch. If this, the internet, is the medium then go carefully and warmly into it. Don't curse yourself. I did it to myself for too long and all it does is leave you just as frustrated and this hole inside you in the end.

I hope you'll be gentle with yourself and enjoy the journey.

[Guest 91108]

I have watched the steps of Mishka. ]
Glad to know she kept her thread going.. the reasons for asking her to start it were valid then as they are now.. for the reasons she stated..
"..but I really did want to see what I had been learning along the way."

Smiles.. somethings work out and others do not.
Can friendship remain or be rebuilt... I believe so.
Can it be damaged or killed by others ... yes, but should the friends let that happen?

I would wish Mishka the best as she was the one who brought me more fully into wanting to be who I am for good or bad.

[Noontide]

I hope you'll be gentle with yourself and enjoy the journey.

i hope so too mishka!! but for better or worse, the journey has been embarked upon and will take it's course....

i'm glad for all the conversations here though.

[Mishka]

I have watched the steps of Mishka. ]
Glad to know she kept her thread going.. the reasons for asking her to start it were valid then as they are now.. for the reasons she stated..
"..but I really did want to see what I had been learning along the way."

Smiles.. somethings work out and others do not.
Can friendship remain or be rebuilt... I believe so.
Can it be damaged or killed by others ... yes, but should the friends let that happen?

I would wish Mishka the best as she was the one who brought me more fully into wanting to be who I am for good or bad.

Thank you Wolf, that means a lot.

The journey is worth it, we get to know ourselves more deeply. For us, the parts that lay dormant for a long time.

[Mishka]

Lately my struggle has been with impatience. Impatience to have time to talk, talk longer than W/we are able, talk about things... (which for one reason or another can have large gaps in between...talk about a relationship that's pretty much the same online as off!)

...an observation of my state of mind. Impatience to spend time with Him...but not neglect any other part of my life. i grasp at those things that cross over the internet boundaries. The tasks, however small or irritating or practical, it doesn't matter...they're touchable.

I follow His writings, etc to see what He has had the chance to talk about that day, and He has tasks for me that helps Him catch a glimpse of my offline life.

I think ~9 months into a relationship one gets pretty impatient to have it be closer, more integrated with the rest of your life.

Just what I've been musing over this week.

[Mishka]

Once again a chance to say that 24/7 would be wonderful...

but online service is real. And I find it pretty immature that some in 24/7 need to rub it in our online faces about their oppinion in every subtle (but secretly bitchy) way they can. I don't do that to "them". In fact, I would want to show support and have normal conversations.

The "real" services can either be a source of friendly conversation, even mutual support as subs, or just a chance to debate over matters of the heart...which is hurtful and never gets anywhere.

I'll continue to have a grown up attitude that this can be a source of encouragement...and I think it would be nice if some had a little more compassion and empathy.

My thread, my observations, my bdsm life.

[Alex Bragi]

Mishka, *hugs* how you choose to demonstrate and live out your sexual submission is nobody but nobody's business but yours (Mmm...maybe His too *g*).

It's your decision, your life, your bdsm lifestyle.

[Sir_Russell]

Mishka,

First many that claim 24 7 aren't really in that type of relationship, second I have been there most of my adult life and it is not easy at all, third I have also been online when there wasn't any way to be together and that too was hard.

Who is it that can say which is real and which is important, certainly not me. Can you love long distance? Yes you can.

Also those that go bdsm clubs and live that life style are not anymore real then those that haven't meet face to face but only through a wire.

Be proud of who and what you are and any that want you to apologize for the way you live the Life are lessor then you. Grow up folks we need to be accepting not elitists, we all feed our needs the best way we can.

I hope that nothing I have said lead you to believe that I feel that online is is less real then those that are belly to belly, if I did I apologize to you any all the others.

[Guest 91108]

I agree with Sir Russell, it is much more important how the two involved see themselves rather than how others see it.
And yes.. that allows for whatever kind of relationships you choose to have.
They are as real as those involved decide to make them.

[Mishka]

Sir Russell you have never said an unkind word to me ever.

Thank you for all of you understanding.

[Mishka]

I didn't realize it's been 5 months since I've been here. Life is full and busier than ever.

Master and I enjoyed a year together earlier this month. We joke that we feel like an old married couple instead of only a year together long distance. I guess we're just comfortable with each other.

Health issues have been making things challenging for us. Not sexually though. His control has gone beyond a task list. I may not be explaining it well, but while there is nothing boring or complacent about it, it's quiet. We like it.

A nice addition to online chat/telephone...He tells me to cum...and I do. The escalation to that was unseen to me and He didn't quite see it coming either. I seem to remember this divine sensation of my stomach feeling like it was turning inside out when he spoke to me during explicit conversations in a tone that becomes a Master.

We met here, so I'll give credit where it's due. He takes good care of me, even when I can be a headache. And He says I take good care of Him...always...so if He's happy, then I'm happy.

Just thought I'd share some pleasant, early-morning, thoughts.