Quote Originally Posted by cadence View Post

I have a question about the sub asking permission to orgasm.
I understand the training and the reasoning of orgasm control, so I also understand the reasoning behind asking permission.
I was just curious as to when permission is granted or when it is denied. Is it part of a certain process, or is it determined by the mood of the Dominant, or how well a sub can beg for it.

I personally do not like begging, but then again I am not used to it, and find it to be a bit embarassing. I would not even want to ask if I could have an orgasm, I would be nervous to do so, I would probably feel that I had failed something somehow.

Sorry if I hijacked this thread a bit.
I suck at begging. It is definitely a turn-on for both me and my husband, but it does not come naturally.

I think that a lot of us submissives are into what we are into precisely because we have trouble asking for what we need and worry about appearing weak in the "real world." We try really hard to be tough and independent, and it leaves us with a real need to be cared for. A lot of us are used to living in cultures (particularly corporate culture -- notice how many submissives have some kind of white-collar office job) where having needs and limits is thought of as a failing to be eliminated; it's no wonder we seek out those who are willing to give us what we need and respect us for our strengths without disregarding our weaknesses.

So if begging is something that you are interested in doing, it's possible that the process of overcoming your barriers to asking for things and your fear of failure would actually make the experience more gratifying for you. The feeling that "if I have to ask for help it means that I've failed" is probably something that makes your life more difficult, and working on it with your dominant partner could be a really liberating experience.