I thought that I would bump this thread, with an update, and maybe some others can share thier own stories.
My update is not warm and fuzzy, it's basically filled with frustration more than anything.
When I wrote my first post, I had a little bit of hope; but with no real network of support, it is hard to work things out on your own.
There still is no real communication between us; only the fact that I am allowed to express myself more openly online with others.
Not entirely what I wanted but, I am grateful that I am not being completely suppressed at the moment.

At the time I wrote my first post here, I had started to have more problems crop up with my family, work, and my own never ending internal conflicts.
I ended up withdrawing from things even more so, and moving into a state of just existing to exist again. Never wanting to try and make progress with things or communicate with anyone openly.

So my relationship with my boyfriend never moved forward, and became stagnant even more than before. Without being able to communicate things properly or to be able to express myself and have him understand, I can't see anything viable happening between us.
I have begun to resent him and myself in general, and sometimes I wish he would leave, so I wouldn't have to make choices.

As for online, that is even more frustrating, I didn't want an online relationship, but I did want to find someone who would appreciate my submissive side.
I revisited that a short time ago, but of course, it didn't work out very well. I didn't want to be emotionally attached to a Dominant, but did want to experience being submissive.
I don't even know if what I am trying to obtain is even possible.
I stumbled upon what I wanted and made the effort to try, but this Dominant had other submissives, and I was always left out and not good enough or important enough I suppose to even be owned. That left my self esteem in a bad place.
Although I still talk to this Dominant, I don't think that he understands that what I wanted, is different than what he had offered. I still think though that I was just not good enough.

I sometimes hope that things will change at home, but I don't know if they ever will.
I am an online failure, and can only read and learn things. I don't think that I will ever be good enough to share anything with anyone anyway.

I still hold out a little bit of hope, that maybe things will move forward in a positive direction.
It's very hard to let go of something that is a part of your being, when you discover just how much it can complete you.