Long term relationship then realizing you are submissive

[jeanne]

I didn't want to be emotionally attached to a Dominant, but did want to experience being submissive.
I don't even know if what I am trying to obtain is even possible.

In my very limited experience - it isn't, beyond a shallow form of submission. And I sense that you want much more than that, cadence.

I am an online failure, and can only read and learn things. I don't think that I will ever be good enough to share anything with anyone anyway.

I completely disagree with this statement. You are so much more than you can believe right now.

I still hold out a little bit of hope, that maybe things will move forward in a positive direction.

Hope is always appropriate. And sometimes, when you least expect it, hope is rewarded.

It's very hard to let go of something that is a part of your being, when you discover just how much it can complete you.

Don't let go of it. Just don't.

There are times when I consider myself to have failed only because I see others who seem to be able to ease into online so easily, whereas I seem to make everything that much more complicated.

Some do, some don't, cadence. You are not the only one who finds the "online only" experience less than you need. I have been told that I am a "hands-on, itf submissive" and it's true. I suspect you may be as well.

Take care of you and keep your chin up,
jeanne