I'm going to chime in here, becuase I like to play devil's advocate, and because I have a problem with authority and convention.

Nothing against Rabbit, or all the people here who have lauded his post, which I think has a good heart, by the way.

The problem is that there are too many labels in kinky communities. Online and Off, kinky communities get assaulted by this game of semantics where people begin to label others as "true doms", "true subs", "wannabes", etc.

Where i'm from the cliche is to say that someone is into S&M: Stand and Model.

I find all such things to be highly pretentious and, (again, no offense Rabbit, i'm sure you're a great guy with a lot of knowledge) closed minded.

It is equally as dangerous to view oneself as being enlightened compared to others as it is to enter into something one isnt ready for. The so-called wannabe maybe just isnt intot he same kind of play you are? Who is to say that a highly sexed individual with a penchant for rough, but otherwise vanilla sex isnt kinky? Is your love of whips and floggers any more valid than his love for the humiliation and powerplay of having greedy, anger filled penetrative sex if his partner is into it also?

I despise the terms "true" anything. They are so full of bias and pretentiousness that it raises the bile in my throat.

While I think rabbit's post was well aimed, I also think that looking down our noses at the alleged wannabes says something about us too. Instead of labeling and talking down to these people as if they are 'newbs' why not come to them on a more equal footing of resepct? If someone is in this chat room or on these forums, its likely they are willing to read and learn something. Fantasy is such a huge part of sexual development that it cant be ignored.

Please consider your dealings with 'wannabes' with a little bit more respect. We were all 'wannabes' at some point.

I think Moonraker had it BANG on:
Quote Originally Posted by Moonraker View Post
As all others have said, agree 100% a perfect short and simple answer. I would only add that perhaps no need to differentiate a Dom from a normal guy in a normal relationship. What makes a man a good husband, boyfriend or lover. Perhaps the perception that doms are somehow a race apart from "normal" men is a misunderstanding.