Quote Originally Posted by Arria View Post
...What I read in some other threads coming from submissive ladies who complained like hell about their vanilla hubbies learning the Dom stuff at such an agonizingly slow pace or refusing completely - I found that very heartless. Your husbands married you vanilla. How would you feel if halfway through a marriage your hubby came to you and said "become something you never were, something you might not even like to be, or else I will cheat on you or leave you, or in the best case demonstrate at every given opportunity that you do not make me happy?"
Sometimes reading those threads I have the feeling that the vanilla spouse´s feeling never get considered.
That sucks. Really. I have no way of putting this nicely.

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Arria, I know you're a nice lady, so I think next time maybe you might just have to try harder to put it "nicely".

As Oz pointed out, why do so many people assume that it’s the vanilla partner who must change? And, how many people do you think fear telling their partners about their kinky sides in the first place out of fear of losing them? So often for a good reason too. While bsdm is considered quite the norm, here on this forum, whether you like it or not, it’s not widely accepted in the general community. Many people still consider it sick and abnormal, many spouses, particularly women, would find it quite abhorrent. So, should a partner in that situation just simple, as it’s been suggested here on this thread, “change”?

It’s sad and most unfortunate when two peoples’ sexual wants and needs aren’t the same, but they still just happen to love one another. I reiterate it’s not a simple case of “changing” your partner and it’s not a simple matter of saying “You don’t suit my particular sexual needs, so I’m moving on..”
A relationship, particularly a sexual/love relationship is never one dimensional. We are attracted to, and love, our partners for a whole myriad of reasons. I think it’s all just too easy to be sanctimonious and judgmental when you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship that is practically everything you want and need.

Please, I'm not saying I condone cyber relationships, and I’m not condemning them either as I believe that, in this instance, it’s inappropriate for anyone to espouse an opinion on the wickedness of cyber sex as ultimately each of us must live with the consequences of the choices we make.