Quote Originally Posted by DowntownAmber View Post
In the time here I've noticed one pretty common thread in regards to doling out advice of any kind, especially to those new and unsure of themselves: the advice given that starts out with "you need to do" this, or "you should do" that tends to be met with (at the best) disinterest or defensiveness and (at the worst) flat out hostility and rejection. No one, even subbies *gasp!*, likes to be told how to live their lives if the "advice" is presented to them in a way that comes across as elitest and condescending. It makes no difference if the giver of said advice meant it to be that way or not.

I see the most successful threads and advice given when people talk about thier own experiences, and let folks draw conclusions that way, and leave themselves open to be asked questions and approached by the newbie crowd. Seems less intimiating and thus more effective that way. Perhaps a few threads dedicated to "firsts" in all of our BDSM lives would be a good resource? Our first o/l relationship, our first r/l relationship, out first big failure and first big success?
Nicely put Amber- you can't tell people what to do. For a start you never know the whole story, & you don't know how they feel.

When people are insecure & confused, they need the space to make their own decisions.